


A Long Road to a Beginning

by inRemote



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Slow Burn, Spoilers for Crimson Flower Route, spoilers for Verdant Wind route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2020-09-28 19:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20430965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inRemote/pseuds/inRemote
Summary: Spoilers for Fire Emblem: Three Houses Crimson Flower routeByleth is having a rough time. She's conflicted about the war, and whether following Edelgard was the right choice. She's conflicted about her own actions, and the blood she's spilled. And she's conflicted about her own motivations.Byleth is in love with Edelgard. And she's not sure where her morality ends and her love begins.A series of scenes that take place inbetween the canon.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Byleth is having a lovely time reuniting with Edelgard and her students, after five years of slumber. Hubert doesn't buy it. Byleth lets something slip.

**THE NIGHT OF BYLETH EISNER'S RETURN TO GARREG MACH  
**

“Professor, what _ were _you doing for the past five years? An honest answer, this time.”

Byleth would be lying if she said she hadn’t been expecting this. Her students - they called themselves the Black Eagle Strike Force now, which she found a little grotesque - had been ecstatic to have their Professor back. From the moment she had returned with Edelgard, they had been swarming over her, and she hadn’t had a moment to herself. A shame. Embracing Edelgard had been... Nice.

But the night grew old, and one by one her jubilant charges had returned to their quarters. Edelgard had business to attend to - being the Emperor was apparently busy work. But there was one person who was still very much insistent on talking to Byleth. To the point that he had cornered her in the gardens on her way back to her bedroom, very much hidden from sight.

Hubert.

Hubert had always made it very clear that he had no love for Byleth, and despite her best efforts to remain professional, Byleth found herself returning the sentiment. By the time the extent of Edelgard’s plans had revealed itself, Byleth knew that Hubert was as capable as he was fanatical. She took his threats seriously, even if she didn’t particularly fear him.

She hadn’t really had time to think about what his reaction to her return would be, in amongst the festivities. But now she was face-to-face with him. Her body was tense, and she was keenly aware of her sword at her hip. But she kept her face as emotionless as ever.

“I told you. I was sleeping.”

The sneer that Hubert wore - still his default expression after five years, Byleth noted with distaste - quickly dissolved into a cold glare. “People do not sleep for five years, Professor. I want to know where you were. What you were doing. Why you happened to materialise in front of my Emperor, at such an opportune moment.”

Byleth took a deep breath. It was hard to answer a question she didn’t fully understand the answer to herself. She knew she had been caught in the collapse of the monastery five years ago, when the Archbishop had shown her true form and unleashed it upon her. That was all she remembered. Her consciousness had not been at all active during the intervening years. It had been as simple as falling asleep and waking up again. Sothis - 

Ah. Sothis_ . _The Goddess she had living inside her, twinned with her soul. She had heard Sothis’ voice, petulant as ever, demanding she wake up. And so she had woken up. Not like she could have done anything otherwise. Had she been dead, and resurrected? Had she been in stasis all this time? She had no way of knowing.

But explaining Sothis to Hubert was a bad idea. The Goddess’ influence was evident in the colour of her hair and eyes, which had kept their emerald hue. But Byleth preferred to keep details about her direct contact with Sothis as close to her chest as possible. Especially from _ him. _

She’d try lying, she supposed.

“I was here. Sleeping is a poor word to explain it. It’s like a form of hibernation. Magic that stills the body, preserves it, heals it over time. A regenerative coma. I would have died without it. I guess the damage to my body was bad enough that it took five years to heal me fully.”

Hubert’s eyes burned into her, searching for untruth, for any hint of a lie. Byleth was by no means a practised liar, but she had a natural advantage in her signature deadpan demeanour. She wasn’t sure if it’d be a match for Hubert’s experience as an agent of subterfuge, but she kept her face as stoney as it had ever been.

“Strange. I have never heard of such a spell in all my days as Edelgard’s servant. And I am sure I would have come across such a _ useful _skill, in my line of work.”

Byleth kept digging, adding a little bit of flavour to the lie. “It is not a magic native to Fodlan. I learnt it during my days as a mercenary. Jeralt could never get the hang of magic, but he insisted that I learn it all the same. He was very protective.”

There was a long, incredibly uncomfortable silence as Hubert and Byleth stared each other down. Byleth could feel her nerves on edge, ready to fire into action at the slightest provocation. But eventually, after a painfully long time, Hubert shrugged.

“It is no matter. Your _ activities _are not what is important to me. It is your loyalty. Where do your loyalties lie, Professor? You followed Edelgard five years ago. What about now?”

Byleth blinked in surprise, and Hubert noticed, his eyes narrowing. Byleth hadn’t really thought about her situation since she had awoken. Edelgard was here, and no-one else was. And given she had sided with Edelgard against the Archbishop, that was that, right? She was on Edelgard’s side now. No reason that would have changed.

“They lie with Edelgard, of course.” She said. “Where else?”

Byleth found that a sudden desire to avoid this conversation was carrying her feet. She started walking towards the dormitory, but found Hubert blocking her path. She tried to shoulder past him, but his hand shot out and grabbed her by the collar, holding her in place.

“You will _ release _me, Hubert. I may not be your teacher anymore, but I am still-”

“Still _ what _, Professor?” Hubert interjected. He leaned down, his face inches from hers. She could feel his breath on her, and she recoiled. “What is it that drives you? The others followed you to our cause because they idolised you, and they stayed out of respect for you. But what I fail to understand is what made you decide to jump to Edelgard’s aid, when it meant turning against the Church. Turning against your precious Rhea.”

Byleth put as much distance between them as she could, as she opened her mouth to answer. But she found, much to her surprise, that no answer came quickly. “It was - it was the right thing to do.”

“Why? You were fully prepared to fight us in the crypt, right up until Rhea demanded you kill Edelgard. Your defection was very... sudden.”

Byleth struggled for words, but could find none with Hubert occupying her perception. So she placed her hand upon his arm, firmly, and wrenched it away with ease, as if it were foliage in her path. Hubert looked stunned, if only for a moment. Byleth met his gaze with a fury she had rarely managed. If they were to have this conversation, she would first dispel his delusions that he was the threat in this scenario. She was Byleth Eisner, the Ashen Demon, and even without the incredibly powerful relic weapon at her side, she was stronger than him. Much stronger.

“Edelgard fights to rid the land of the things that truly plague it. The nobility, the crests. The castes that divide us, that decide our worth at the moment of our birth. You want to know if I believe in Edelgard’s cause? I do.”

“No. I don’t quite think you do.”

Hubert was a little more defensive now, now that he remembered that Byleth was at least as dangerous as he was. But he wasn’t intimidated, and he seemed intent on continuing this dive into Byleth’s motivations.

This was a problem, because Byleth didn’t fully understand her motivations herself.

“It wasn’t a shared cause that drove you to Edelgard’s side that day. And while you may have come to agree with her goals since, I know you are not fully committed. How could you be? You were friends with everyone, including the students from the Kingdom and the Alliance. But worst of all, she works alongside the people who killed your father. I watched you the whole time we were together, Professor. I do not believe for a second that you can forgive her methods.”

Byleth fell silent. The frustrating thing was that Hubert had cut to the heart of the matter instantly. But she kept her eyes locked on his as she retorted, unflinching.

“No, you’re right. I can’t.”

It was something else entirely that had driven her to protect Edelgard from Rhea. And it hadn’t been her distaste for Rhea’s schemes, or the Archbishop’s propensity for executing her enemies on the spot. When Rhea had demanded that Byleth kill Edelgard on the spot, there had been no debate inside Byleth’s mind, no hesitation to be found. The choice had been obvious.

“I don’t agree with her methods. She used me, used all of our friends. She seeks to unite the entire land under her rule, and I can’t agree with that. It’s just replacing one all-powerful authority with another. And even if her intent is good, the death required to accomplish it...”

“Then why, Professor, did you return? You could have fled easily, ran back to the Church. Rhea would welcome her _ pet _back with open arms. Why do your loyalties remain to Edelgard, if your ideologies are so different?”

Well, that was obvious to Byleth. The same drive that had driven her to put herself between Rhea and Edelgard was the same one that had driven her back to Edelgard’s arms this morning. She wasn’t sure she was doing the _ right _thing, and maybe she would never be. Her morality might plague her for the rest of her days. But there had never been a choice. She had to.

“Because I am in love with her, Hubert.”

He hadn’t seen _ that _one coming. Byleth smirked. A cruel sense of vindication coursed through her as Hubert struggled to compose himself.

“That is not _ good enough. _If you are only here to play with my Emperor’s heart, I shall cut you down where you stand!”

“But _ should _you, Hubert? Even if you could overpower me, and I assure you that you could not, would it be a good idea to kill the person your Emperor loves?”

Hubert’s expression grew yet more pained, and his composure deteriorated further. “_What? _No. Impossible. Edelgard has told me everything. Every secret, every hope. If anything had happened between you, I would know about it!”

Byleth took a step towards Hubert, closing what little distance she had put between them, and stared right up at him with an expression she had never worn before. She was taunting him. She was sick of him believing he could threaten her at will, without repercussions. Now she had something so simple, so benign, that threatened him with its very possibility. And it was filling her with an unfamiliar feeling of wanting to push this knife in his chest deeper, as deep as she could get it.

“Hubert, of course nothing has happened between us. I’m not even sure she’s aware of it herself. But I’ve noticed. Haven’t you? She displays it subconsciously, whenever she is near me. She can’t draw her attention away from me. She hangs off my every word. Her eyes follow me wherever I go. She prayed for _ five years _ that I would return to her. And, Hubert, when she found me? She _ embraced _me, Hubert. She cried and she wrapped her arms around me. The Flame Emperor herself.”

Hubert stared down at her, his face a visage of pure hatred. Byleth was burning this bridge to the ground, and it was, she found, exhilarating. It was such an ugly emotion, and she felt grotesque for feeling something so distasteful, so cruel. But she pressed on, a newfound confidence compelling her.

“I know you love her too, Hubert. You wear your emotions on your sleeve, like her. But understand this. You always talk of the path you have prepared for her, correct?. You walk _ before _ her, clearing her road. And you walk _ behind _ her, cleaning up her messes. But that’s all you can do. There is only one person who can walk _ beside _her. Me, Hubert. With her hand in mine, I will match Edelgard step for step. Somewhere that you will never reach.”

It took a while, but Hubert regained his composure. He even managed one of his condescending laughs. “I never knew you had such wickedness in your heart, Professor. Perhaps you and I have more in common than I first assumed. You should hope we do. Because you will need even more caution than I possess, from now on. Your delusions are a threat to Edelgard. You may enjoy her attention for now, but all it takes is one slip...”

Byleth took a deep breath, and felt the tension finally leave her. In a moment, her face settled back into its usual, stoic neutrality. “Threaten me all you want, Hubert. But we are in a state of mutual destruction. If you tell Edelgard of my feelings for her, I will tell her of your threats. And if you have me _ removed _, well, she will find out who is responsible. I suspect even your loyalty will not save you then. So let’s just co-exist, for now.”

Hubert turned his back on her, making to leave. “You are walking a precarious path, Professor. See to it that you do not err.”

Byleth didn’t respond. This whole exchange had exhausted her after an already exhausting day, and as the adrenaline faded, she felt her body grow heavy. She had slept for five years, but already she wanted to sleep again. Hubert left, and she was alone.

She didn’t have much time to entertain her thoughts before sleep claimed her, but for that fleeting moment, doubt plagued her. Hubert’s questions about her loyalty were not unfounded. Byleth knew that she couldn’t bring herself to reconcile with everything Edelgard had done, was still doing, would go on to do. 

How much of her moral compass was she willing to sacrifice for this love of hers?

Was it even a matter of willing? Could she have ever brought herself to follow a different path? To raise a sword against Edelgard?a

_Oh_, she thought, as she fell back into oblivion. _ Perhaps I’m not such a good person after all. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth finds herself alone with her thoughts after a major battle, and discovers that they're the worst thing to be alone with. Edelgard pays a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came back to edit a wee bit of dialogue that was bothering me. I'm still not 100% on it but hopefully Byleth's character is a bit more consistent now. Finding Byleth's voice and speech is difficult when she says so little during the game.

**SHORTLY AFTER THE EMPIRE'S VICTORY AT DERDRIU  
**

It had been two months now, since Byleth awoke from her slumber, and she was sequestered in her quarters, avoiding any chance of human contact. Sometimes, she couldn’t help but feel she should have stayed asleep. The others, her students, the empress, they had time to adapt to the chaos that had unfolded in the last five years. It was horrible, but at least it had been fed to them over a respectable timespan. Byleth, however, had been dropped in at the deep end. By the end of the first month, she had been pulling her sword from Judith’s lifeless body. Judith had seemed strong, and reliable. Byleth had gathered that she had been important to Claude.

The second month had seen the siege of Derdriu. The Black Eagle Strike Force had faced a heavily fortified position, lead by Hilda herself. When the Almyran fleet had arrived, Byleth had directed Edelgard’s entire force onto the boats. She had told them that it was better to face the flanking wyverns and cavalry head-on, bypassing the fortified knights completely as they struggled to reposition quickly enough. It had worked, which was a blessing. Byleth couldn’t admit to anyone the relief she had felt upon seeing the ships drop anchor. She couldn’t bring herself to fight Hilda. Not one of her own. 

That said, she still managed to reach Claude before any of her allies could, breaking past her own formation and leaving herself dangerously out of position. It had been a risk, but she had lashed out with the Sword of the Creator, entangling his wyvern and bringing him crashing to the ground. A swift kick and a sword against his neck later, and the battle was over. Claude, ever the diplomat, had pleaded for his life. Behind her stone face, Byleth was jubilant to hear it. For the first time since she had returned, she had been able to spare a life.

Hilda had been nowhere to be seen after the fight, alive or dead, which was another relief. Hopefully she had found the opportunity to quietly escape. Byleth hadn’t seen that much of her during her teaching days, but she had always been a nice kid, if somewhat unmotivated. A good kid. Good enough that Byleth had called upon Sothis to turn back the clock when Hilda had charged her out of the blue, and found herself impaled upon Byleth’s sword. She wasn’t one of Byleth’s own, but the grief - Hilda’s surprise, Claude’s despair - it had been too much. Maybe Edelgard would be furious if she knew that Byleth was changing time itself to save not her allies, but her enemies. That was a secret Byleth would take to the grave.

And now they had returned to the monastery. The Alliance had been subjugated, and they could turn their attentions to the Kingdom and the Church in full. Byleth knew that she had to kill the optimism she had felt after the resolution at Derdriu. The Alliance had provided some opportunity for mercy, which Byleth had grasped at with relish. The coming battles would likely have little such luxuries.

Which begged the question: since when had Byleth cared about mercy?

It had always been relatively simple to kill somebody. Working with her father as a mercenary, the jobs had been simple, defined. Jeralt had a conscience when it came to contracts, and the people they fought were reliably bandits and other assorted villains. There was never any moral concerns. They took their wages knowing they were protecting people. 

So what had changed? Was it the politics? Knowing that the people you were fighting were also fighting for a cause they believed in? That was a cruelty, certainly. To kill people who believed in what they were doing, when she herself didn’t. They had convictions. All she had was a love that had supplanted her conscience. 

But it was also knowing that the people she met on the battlefield, they had been close to her. Most of her students had fallen in line behind her when she had sided with Edelgard. That was its own bag of worms - whether she had failed in her responsibility to them by leading them down this bloody path - but at least they were behind her now, where the power of the Goddess could keep them safe. The downside to that arrangement is that she had seen most of the people she cared about die at least once, but again, that was a trauma she hadn’t the luxury to spend time on.

But there were people she knew, people she had liked, she would have to face. Alois, Catherine. Seteth. Goddess, _Flayn. _ Rhea herself wasn’t a concern - Byleth had a grudge to settle. But... Dedue, and Dimitri. Somehow, Byleth knew they would not yield. The thought of having to kill them terrified her. They weren’t just bandits, and this wasn’t just a contract. They were real people - they had told her of their feelings, hopes, dreams - and she was going to kill them because they wanted a different future from Edelgard.

If only she hadn’t met those kids in the forest, that day. Maybe now she would still be killing unrecognisable faces, with nary a tug at her heart.

Before she had time to sink any further into self-sustaining pit of misery, she was snapped from her reverie by a knock at her door. She snapped to attention, blinking. Oh, no. She had been crying. She quickly wiped her face, and straightened her clothes.

“Professor?” It was Edelgard. Normally, when given the opportunity to spend time with the woman she loved, Byleth was understandably enthusiastic. Right now, not so much. “May I come in?”

“I, ah...” She searched for an excuse, and the words fell into place. “My room is on fire. Sorry. Don't come in.”

“Professor?!” Edelgard exclaimed. Suddenly the door was thrown open, achieving exactly the opposite effect Byleth had intended as Edelgard barrelled in to investigate. “I- Oh.” She stopped to take a breath. “Another one of your jests. Please don’t frighten me like that again.”

Byleth had the good grace to look at least a little ashamed. "Sorry. You surprised me. I wasn't expecting visitors.”

"I... See. It is hard to tell with you these days, Professor. Ever since you saw..." Edelgard trailed off, as if mentioning the painting would somehow make her embarassment that much worse. "The _thing_ you weren't supposed to see, you've developed a propensity for teasing me. It is exasperating."

This was good, Byleth thought. Keep the mood playful, light. Don’t want your thoughts to return. Keep her from looking at you too long. Don’t want her notice your red eyes. 

“It keeps you on your toes, Edelgard. I wouldn’t want you getting too comfortable.”

Edelgard straightened herself out, resting her forehead in her temples. It was a gesture Byleth was seeing more of these days. “And why is that, Professor? Another one of your insights?”

“If you spend too long being the Emperor, you might forget you’re human.” The worlds spilled out faster than Byleth could think about them, her lack of social tact failing her once again. Oh, well. So much for keeping a light mood. “Being embarrassed now and then reminds you that you have something to be embarrassed about." Byleth paused, wondering if what she was saying made sense. "I don't think you should be embarassed about it anyway. It was good."

“Lessons on appearing human, from our very own walking statue. You’ll forgive me if I take your advice on expressions with a pinch of salt, Professor.” Despite her words, Edelgard was smiling. Byleth relaxed - she hadn’t realised how tense she had been. “But speaking of our humanity, my intrusion had a purpose. Are you doing okay, Professor?”

Byleth blinked. Nobody had asked her that in... A long time. Rhea used to ask her if she was okay. But Rhea was, well... There had been a hidden meaning there. But here was Edelgard, _her_ Edelgard, apparently asking out of pure concern.

“You’re checking in on me? I thought that was my job. Maybe I should be calling you Professor now.”

“Enough jokes, Professor. The past few months have been hard on us all, but you have a habit of not talking about your feelings. You carry all your weight by yourself, and that of all of us besides. I regret not noticing before all this started. I do not wish to make the same mistake again.” Edelgard stared right into her eyes. That soft violet, framed with such an intense stare. Like she could own the world with just a look. Goddess, she was so beautiful. But she must have seen the red rings around Byleth’s own eyes by now. “So, Professor; are you alright?”

A lie wouldn’t serve her well here, but she could at least deflect. “I’m... Fine. Just a bit overwhelmed. I haven’t had time to process everything that’s happening. I’m glad the Derdriu went as well as it did. It’s just. Difficult.”

Edelgard took a tentative step towards Byleth, reaching out towards her hesitantly, as if seeking permission. Byleth didn’t flinch, which was as much indication as she could give. Edelgard’s gloved hand fell on her shoulder, barely touching, as if it didn’t belong there.

-_could you imagine, as if it would belong anywhere else but laid upon me-_

“Professor, I don’t mean to be presumptuous.” This was ridiculous, Byleth thought. The Emperor herself, tiptoeing around me. “But, I hope you can find it in yourself to trust me. I may be forced by circumstance to seal my emotions away, but there’s no reason you should suffer the same.”

Byleth raised a hand, and placed it upon Edelgard’s where it rested. It was a gentle touch, and the closest Byleth had allowed herself since embracing her two months ago. She held it there for a second, and then lifted Edelgard’s hand from her shoulder and left them fall, fingers softly linked between them for but a moment.

“Perhaps, but I have responsibilities of my own, Edelgard. If you want to bear my burdens, I’ll only trade them for your own. Talk to me, if you need to. Like you used to.”

Edelgard stared at the ground again. It wasn’t embarrassment on her face this time, but... She looked so vulnerable, Byleth thought. Vulnerability wasn’t something Edelgard had afforded herself since she had become Emperor, evidently. But Byleth still remembered those nights in Edelgard’s quarters, listening to her talk about her nightmares. That person was still in there, somewhere. It was the Edelgard that Byleth had fallen in love with, and she was there again in front of her. It took all her strength not to take Edelgard in her arms right there.

Eventually, she met Byleth’s eyes again. No fierce resolve, just a gentle gaze. “Maybe I will, Professor. Not tonight, but soon, perhaps. If you can keep a secret.”

Byleth allowed herself to grin, just a little bit. “You should know my confidentiality is guaranteed. Nobody knows about your hobby, after all.” 

Edelgard laughed. To Byleth, it was like birdsong. Beautiful, and far, far too rare these days.

“Very well, Professor. I shall take my leave now. It grows late, and I am sure you will have us all up at the crack of dawn for training.”

“I’m not your teacher anymore, you know. You don’t _have_ to come.”

“Oh, I know.” Edelgard said over her shoulder, halfway out the door. “But then I would miss some quality time with you, wouldn’t I?”

Then she was gone. Byleth didn’t really know what it felt like to blush, as she had never done it before, but if she had, she probably would have made the connection to the burning feeling in her face. 

Shortly later, Byleth was falling asleep to pleasant, if not entirely appropriate, thoughts of Edelgard. Her earlier inquisition of her own thoughts seemed distant. These feelings couldn’t possibly be wrong, couldn’t be sinful. The cruelty of the war was a tragedy, certainly, but they were doing the right thing. They were changing the world for the better. Edelgard was a good person.

Of course, she thought, absent-minded as she drifted off. Everything makes sense when I’m _near_ Edelgard. I only start doubting when I’m apart from her. 

The solution to this problem seemed obvious.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth's concerns about the war deepen, as it starts to affect her directly. She seeks solace from her losses by reminding herself what she still has to fight for.

**ONE WEEK AFTER THE CHURCH'S SIEGE OF GARREG MACH**

The siege had taken its toll on everyone, and Byleth was no exception. She hadn’t seen the worst of the fighting, instead leading the Black Eagle Strike Force against the Church’s vanguard. Byleth’s command had been as successful as ever, a total rout with minimal casualties in return. But Byleth couldn’t be everywhere, and with Byleth and Edelgard elsewhere, the main force had borne the brunt of the Church’s assault, lead by Rhea and Catherine themselves. There had been deaths. Ladislava and Randolph were gone. They had just been a blip in Byleth’s life, but the others had known them for five years now. There was a grief that Byleth couldn’t share in, and that made her uncomfortable.

Byleth hadn’t had time to think about that. There was no time to relax after the mission. The monastery drowned in the dead and dying, and the administrative burdens of reorganising a decimated army were heavy enough that even Byleth found herself spending her free time running errands. Where she had a spare moment, her students - it annoyed her that she still thought of them that way - occupied her attention. They all need guidance, support, a confidant. Byleth had always been those for them, before the war, and she would not let them down now.

But eventually, as the chaos died down, Byleth finally found some time to herself. And being by herself left her vulnerable to her own thoughts, which had managed to invent a completely new grief just for her.

_ “Farewell, Professor. I do not imagine we shall ever meet again.” _

It was strange how those words were the ones that hurt the most. She had certainly done more abominable things on the field that day. For the first time, she had struck down someone she knew personally with something other than remorse. Alois had been threatening their entire force with artillery, and he had to be dealt with. Byleth lead the charge down their flank, thinking she could have maybe used their shared connection to Jeralt to come to an understanding. But Alois had other plans. He had been convinced that she was betraying his memory.

_ “I can’t believe you would try to kill Lady Rhea. Jeralt must be turning in his grave.” _

Thoughts of reconciliation had left her. Her father, rolling in his grave? What did he know? Jeralt had fled the Knights to keep her safe _ from _ Rhea. Right up until his death, he never trusted her. And here was Alois, convinced that Jeralt would have been _ his _ side, that it was _ Byleth _ that was betraying him. How dare he? He knew nothing about her father. He was the one who had dragged them both into this. If he had minded his own business, had left them alone, then her father would still be alive!

By the time she had calmed down, Alois was a charred corpse on the floor. His last words, a delusional prayer to the image of a man that he had invented in his head.

Byleth shuddered as she thought about it. That hadn’t been the clean, emotionless kill of the Ashen Demon. That had been personal. She wondered if this was what it would feel like when she killed Rhea. She wondered if this would become normal to her. Garreg Mach had taught her positive feelings. This war was teaching her only horrible ones.

But even then, it wasn’t the death of Alois, or her apparent enthusiasm for it, that affected her the most. By the time she reached him, the worst blow had already been dealt.

She had never, ever, wanted to face Flayn on the battlefield. She never thought she would have to, to be honest. Seteth would never have consented to her being on the battlefield, least of all so far up, away from him, and directly in the path of the Black Eagle’s flankers. Upon hearing the report, Byleth had descended into blind panic, and reflexively invoked the Goddess to all but reset the entire battle. She couldn’t risk anyone getting to Flayn first. She couldn’t trust anyone but herself.

Flayn had outright refused to kill her, and her hesitance had made the resulting fight easy. Byleth’s battalion had easily outmaneuvered Flayn’s, quickly gaining the upper hand. Neither Byleth nor Flayn had ended up lifting a hand against each other. Byleth had won the fight before it had even started, but it was the betrayal in Flayn’s voice that had caused the most damage.

_ “How can it be that you fight on that side?” _

Byleth had no answer for her, just a pathetic excuse.

“_ I’m sorry.” _

With that, Flayn had left the battlefield, leaving behind only the farewell that had echoed in Byleth’s head ever since. Her encounter with Seteth had been surprisingly cordial, in comparison. He had practically thanked her for everything she’d done for Flayn (thought not in as many words), and admitted that he could no longer follow Rhea. Their encounter had been brief, and it was clear that Seteth’s heart was not in the fight. He, too, had departed with a promise to disappear from the war and their lives.

It had taken Byleth a while to process that, even if they weren’t dead, they were gone from her life. forever. As a result of her choices, her actions. She hadn’t really... _ Lost _ anyone before now. There had been guilt, and even remorse, about the lives she had taken, familiar and unfamiliar. That had been new, and unpleasant, but it was growing familiar. But this, this felt more akin to the death of her father. A void inside her, where a person used to be, never again to be filled. 

Byleth caught her thoughts declining. She _ knew _ what the solution to this was. And so she picked herself up from her bed, straightened herself out, and marched out into the chill night air.

\--

“Edelgard?”

She knocked gently on the Emperor’s door. She had already been chastised once for trying to enter whilst Edelgard was painting.

_ -painting her. Now that was a thought that lit a fire behind her face- _

“Ah, sorry, Professor. I’m afraid I’m once again... Indisposed. I want to get these details right.”

Byleth thought about this for a moment. “If accuracy is a concern, then surely a direct reference would help?”

“That’s not a concern, Professor.” came Edelgard’s reply. “I have all the relevant details committed to memory.”

Ah, there was that feeling again. Like someone had lit a lantern inside her head. She was glad Edelgard wasn’t able to see it. A long silence passed between them, and Byleth wondered if Edelgard was experiencing the same thing as her.

“I see. In that case, would you mind if we spoke like this?”

“Through the door, Professor?”

“Yes. If that is agreeable to you.”

Edelgard sounded confused, perhaps a little worried. “Of course. Is... Everything okay? Is it something important?”

“No, no. Just...” Byleth’s mind wandered back to a conversation they had had recently, as she struggled for the words to articulate what she actually wanted. Not everything in the past week had been a tribulation. They had found themselves with some time together, however brief. Edelgard’s impression of Hubert had been immaculate. And she had said...

Byleth couldn’t make assumptions about the nature of Edelgard’s feelings towards her. She’d been able to boast to Hubert about how Edelgard _definitely_ loved her, but that had been a mix of bravado and viciousness. In reality, she dared not to ascribe her hopes to reality. Especially not now, at the height of the war. And so she chose her next words delicately.

“Do you remember how you said we were closer than friends? And that I had shared your burdens?” 

“Of course,” Edelgard said, her voice soft, but careful. “It’s a bit embarrassing to think of being so open with my feelings, in retrospect. But yes. I meant what I said.”

“I know.” Byleth paused again, and found herself leaning her forehead against the door in front of her. “I was wondering if I could share some of my burdens with you. If that’s alright.”

There was no immediate response. “Edelgard?” Byleth hesitated. Still nothing. Maybe she could dare to use Edelgard’s other name. The one that only she knew.

“...Sorry, my teacher.” Edelgard responded, before Byleth could work up the courage. “I suppose I had always thought of you as indomitable. You’re always so composed that it’s... I suppose I had forgotten that you might have problems of your own.”

Byleth frowned. She knew she gave off that impression, but she had never thought about how she conveyed it. Not since Edelgard had called her “distant”, the other night. She didn’t want Edelgard to think she was distant. “I never did before. This is a new experience for me, and I’m not entirely sure how to deal with it. People come to me when they have problems. So I supposed I should do the same.”

Edelgard sounded a little incredulous. “And you came to me, of all people? I’m not the most... Empathetic. I am sure someone else-”

“Wouldn’t have sufficed.” Byleth cut in. “I can’t imagine coming to anyone but you. I’m not sure why.” 

-_ of course you are. This is a mystery even you can solve- _

Edelgard’s voice was closer to the door now. It sounded like she had abandoned her painting tools. “Very well, Professor. If you’re content with me, then I would be happy to listen to you.”

“Thank you.” Then where to start? Byleth had never shared her problems with anyone. She had no idea how this exchange worked, and she doubted Edelgard would have much advice. “I’m going to sit down, okay? I think I’ve been standing for too long.”

“Of course.” Byleth practically collapsed under her own weight, sliding down the door and coming to a rest with her back pressed against it for support. Oh, she had been exhausted. She hadn’t even realised. She heard rustling behind the door, and supposed Edelgard had assumed a similar position.

“I’m doubting myself, Edelgard. I’ve never done that before. Doubting what I’m doing. Whether it’s right. Morally.”

“Oh.” Edelgard mulled this over for some time before responding, trepidation . “Is it... Because you joined me?”

“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t think it’s quite that simple.” Something occurred to Byleth, and she pursued the thought tentatively. “When I lived as a mercenary, all I had to do was carry out the contracts that my father picked. It was... Simple. I didn’t have to think about it. It didn’t occur to me to think about it. It was the life that had been chosen for me. I didn’t even have _ emotions _ until I came to this place. I think proximity to people helped the process along, but. There was one thing I did for the first time when I became a professor here.

“And what was that, my teacher?”

“I made a choice.” The thought lingered in the air for a moment, before Byleth elaborated. “Not what to have for lunch, or how to fight an enemy. A meaningful choice. One that changed my life. I chose the Black Eagles. There were other things I could have chosen, and I would never have become as close to you as I did. But I did. And then I made a choice, again. An even bigger one, because it was a betrayal. I chose to stay with you, and side against the Church.”

_ -as if that was ever a choice, your very soul rebelled at the alternative- _

“And I think, the significance of that is now that I am responsible for that choice. As soon as I chose my own life, I became responsible for it. And I think I’m beginning to realise what that means about what I’m doing. About the lives I’ve taken.”

Byleth stopped, because Edelgard was laughing. It wasn’t a mirthful laugh. It was woven with quiet sadness. It hurt Byleth’s still heart to hear it.

“How curious, Professor. Even as I harden my heart against the horrors of this war, of what I must do, yours is opening up for the first time.” Her voice was soft, diminished. “I buried two of my friends, the other day. Two people who were devoted to me. And I didn’t shed a single tear.”

“But you were sad, weren’t you? I could tell.” She paused to recall a memory. It was five years old to Edelgard, but it still felt fresh to Byleth. She could recall every word Edelgard had said to her. They were important. “You once told me that without me, you might have become a harsh leader with a heart of ice. That with me by your side, you were free to be simply Edelgard.”

“That... Was a long time ago, Professor. And I spent five years without you. I can’t be simply Edelgard anymore.”

“No. You can.” Byleth leaned into the door, as thought she might bring herself closer to Edelgard. “I felt it when we talked. When you did your impression of Hubert. When you talked about how close we were. When you asked me to call you El. It's _you_ in those moments, Edelgard. You musn’t let that slip away.”

“How wretched, Professor. You came to me to talk about your problems, and yet, here I am, making this about me. Unloading my insecurities. Asking for your validation.”

To Byleth, it didn’t seem to matter. Self-doubt seemed inevitable, as she carved out her own path in life. Surely everyone suffered the same. What was important to her that Edelgard didn’t have to suffer alone. “This helps me. Not your insecurities, but helping you. The choice I made five years ago was to trust you. Over these few months, whenever I have lost my way, it is you that reminds me of that choice. You calm me, Edelgard. You remind me of why I am doing what I am doing. If you want to unload, then unload. If you want my validation, I shall give it to you. You were right when you said that we were more than friends. To me, you are-”

_ -don’t even think about saying it- _

“-you are my foundation. When I waver, I return to you, and I am still.”

The silence that followed was long, and heavy. Byleth willed her feelings to pass through the solid oak between them. She pressed her hand against the door, and imagined that Edelgard might do the same.

Eventually, Edelgard spoke. Her voice was heavy with emotion, wavering. “Thank you, my teacher. My... Friend. You have always supported me these long years, even in your absence. I shall endeavour to remain strong, that I might do the same for you.”

“Thank you, Edelgard.”

There was a murmur, barely audible against the door. “Will you not call me El?”

“One day, yes.”

They remained there, weighed down by their feelings, for what seemed like a lifetime. Byleth didn't have to will to lift a muscle, and she was sure the same must be true for Edelgard. Still, she felt close to her, even divided like this. The turmoil in her soul seemed so far away. It wasn’t until Byleth could hear Edelgard’s breath - rhythmic, unrestrained - that it occurred to her that Edelgard had fallen asleep. Byleth planted a soft kiss goodnight on her door, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so aye this takes place after ch. 15 and the A support. Byleth is doing a good job of suppressing her moral dilemmas by being a big gay. we should all be so lucky.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unforeseen turn of events has shaken the Black Eagles, and none more so than Hubert. Byleth's penchant for meddling overrides her dislike of him for long enough to start a conversation.

**SHORTLY AFTER THE EMPIRE'S PYRRHIC VICTORY AT ARIANHROD**

Byleth was familiar with the routine now, and it was getting tiring. Every new battle seemed to bring a new ethical dilemma. This time their supposed “allies” had punished them for accidentally killing one of their own. Granted, Edelgard’s secrecy and specific targeting of Cornelia had maybe not been an accident. It certainly hadn’t been an accident after Byleth had realised that she was one of those snakes, and had cut her down with relish. However, their response to one death had been to level an entire city. Byleth had seen their callous disregard for life in Remire. This had been something else entirely.

Byleth had no interest in letting her thoughts spiral further. She needed to talk to Edelgard. Not just because being around Edelgard centred her, however. Something Edelgard had done did not sit well with her. It was hardly the first time that Edelgard’s methods had caused her discomfort. But this one was different, and she couldn’t let it pass without comment.

But the Emperor was hard to pin down these days. And in her frantic searching, she ran across someone else entirely.

Hubert had been acting unusual since the destruction of Arianhrod. Byleth had only seen him lose his composure once - and she had been the one responsible for it. But when he came to deliver the news of the fortress’ destruction, his voice was wavering. Even more so when he discovered that Lord Arundel had paid Edelgard a visit in his absence. 

Byleth knew Edelgard hated not being in control. But she hadn’t ever gotten that impression for Hubert. But then, she realised, she’d never seen him _ not _ in control. This was the first time, as long as she’d known him at least, that he’d been completely blindsided. And he wasn’t taking it well. He’d been working overtime ever since, attempting to claw back some semblence of control over their shadowy allies. LInhardt had even let slip that he’d found Hubert collapsed from exhaustion.

Now he was sitting at a table in the library, hunched over paper and parchment, his hands curling dangerously tight into his hair. Maybe it was her instincts as a Professor taking control, but despite their mutual animosity, Byleth felt compelled to reach out to him. And so she did.

“Hubert?”

He glanced up. “If it’s not important, I haven’t time to spare-” And then he noticed who he was talking to, and for a moment, he seemed to struggle to find an emotion to respond with. “Professor. If you’ve issues with my conduct, I promise you that now is the worst possible time to confront me with them.”

“No, Hubert. I’m not here to harangue you. Do you mind if I sit?” He offered no objection, which Byleth took as close to his assent as she was likely to get. She sank into the chair opposite him, and seeing him face on, she could feel the stress practically radiating from him. 

“Then am I to be subjected to one of your famous pep talks, Professor? Spare me. I lack the appropriate idealism to be motivated by your platitudes.”

“Not that either. You never were like the other students. It takes more than just a change of perspective to solve your problems.”

Hubert finally looked up from the sea of text he was pouring over, looking Byleth directly in the eyes. She felt the urge to look away, but she knew that would end this conversation immediately. 

“Then why are you here? You made your position with regards to me abundantly clear. And we have functioned perfectly well in this... Mutual distance that we have created.” His eyes narrowed, seeking some sort of ill intent on Byleth’s face. As usual, there was very little of anything to be found in Byleth’s blank demeanour. “Why upset the equilibrium now? Pity?”

“I know we did not start with the best rapport, and that only worsened with my absence. I’m not proposing we become friends, Hubert. But I know that you’re struggling, and if you must assure an ulterior motive, then you can assume that I’m only acting in Edelgard’s best interests.”

Hubert let out a chuckle, lined with exhaustion. He didn’t seem to have the energy to argue. “That sounds like my line. And what is it you’re proposing then, if not friendship? My work is unique. No-one can help me because no-one is qualified. Garreg Macht trained us to be officers, and we have soldiers aplenty. But my skills in subterfuge, no-one else can even emulate them. So do not presume to ask me to ‘reach out’, or ‘share the load’. There is nobody suitable.”

Byleth sighed. Again, Hubert was a unique case, and a kind of person she had no idea how to deal with constructively. But keeping morale up was her job, and she wasn’t about to shirk from her responsibilities.

“Of course. I’m not suggesting I become a knife in the dark with you. You can keep your domain of sordid deeds. But what you’re doing right now, this is research, correct? I can help with this, at least.”

Hubert shook his head. “You haven’t the requisite knowledge. These people we are aligned with, they’re not just a bunch of magicians with a grudge against the church. They are...” He trailed off. Perhaps he had said more than he had intended to, in his tiredness. 

“They are what, Hubert?” Silence. Byleth tried to ignore the growing frustration she was feeling. “If you can’t trust me, Hubert, then please, trust the faith that Edelgard has placed in me. I am the closest person to the truth, besides her. I need to know who we’re fighting so that I can strategise against them. Anything you tell me helps all of us in turn.”

_ -I need to know who these people are. I need to know why my father had to die. I need to know how to kill them- _

Hubert sighed in return. It was a long, drawn-out sigh of defeat. “Very well, Professor. It seems I might have no choice but to let you in at this point. The power they displayed at Arianhrod is a threat to Her Majesty’s reign. I need it to be removed, and as it transpires, subterfuge will not be sufficient this time.”

Byleth leaned in, so they could keep their voices low. “What makes the problem so difficult to solve?”

“Those Who Slither in the Dark have been here for a long, long time. Longer even than our Empire. They are an ancient civilisation, descended from Nemesis himself, and they have hidden from sight since their defeat at the hands of Saint Seiros. I had always suspected that they must have a base of operations, and when they showed their hand at Arianhrod, they let slip its location. The amount of magic required to launch such a weapon is tremendous. And we saw it. My contacts detected a huge buildup of magical energy at one location just before Arianhrod was destroyed. And I’ve just heard that it’s been confirmed. Their base, Shambhala. We know where it is.”

Byleth had to stop herself from blurting out ‘let’s go get them!’. She knew better, unfortunately. “But we’re in no position to do anything about it.” She observed, and Hubert nodded.

“It is a fortress. Filled with those dolls we saw Cornelia controlling, and with a full compliment of guards besides. An entire army, right under our nose. Knives in the dark will not be enough to stop an enemy of this size. We need to have a strike force. And worse, it needs to be kept so secret that our enemy has no idea what we’re plotting. And it needs to be ready to strike at a moment’s notice, so that we can succeed before they can repeat Arianhrod.”

Byleth nodded. “That much, I can promise you, Hubert. The Black Eagles have placed absolute trust in me, and I will make sure that they are to fight, even when everyone else believes the war is over.”

It was a kind of certainty of purpose that Byleth had not experienced in a long time. She still wasn’t sure about Edelgard’s war. She still wasn’t sure that what she herself had done was _ right _. Bit she was sure of this. No matter what, her father’s murderers had to die. They had killed an entire city indiscriminately. There would never be peace as long as they hid in the shadows.

_ -and worse, they had robbed her of the opportunity to end her father’s killer with her own hands- _

Hubert managed a smile, much to Byleth’s surprise. “You know, Professor. If all of our interactions were this productive, I might find it easier to tolerate your presence.”

Byleth grinned in return, risking a joke. “Don’t worry about that, Hubert. I will find a way to be insufferable again.”

“Well, this is rare. You two seem to be getting on so well!”

Byleth’s head snapped up. Somehow, she had completely managed to miss the approach of Edelgard, who now stood above the pair, a warm smile on her face. Well, of course she would be glad that they appeared to be friendly with each other. She hadn’t known just how deep their dislike of each other had run, but she had certainly noticed they weren’t exactly on good terms. So this must have been somewhat of a relief to her.

Somehow, Byleth didn’t want her to think that. “N-no, were just, uh-”

“The Professor and I were just discussing tactics, Your Majesty.” Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie. Byleth knew Hubert kept things from Edelgard to avoid diverting her attention. She didn’t like it per se, but she felt disinclined to stop him right now. “I simply required her help with some specifics. You needn’t read too much into it.”

Edelgard sighed, raising her hand to her temple in a well-practised motion. “Would it be too much to ask for the pair of you to _ try _ to get along?”

“Oh, but we do.” And that much was true. They still had a ceasefire - as far as Edelgard was concerned. Hubert didn’t tell Edelgard that Byleth was in love with her, and Byleth didn’t tell Edelgard that Hubert had devoted a not inconsiderable amount of effort into trying to make Byleth disappear. It was an arrangement that had served their equilibrium well.

But maybe, just maybe, it was time to make more of an effort. Hubert wasn’t completely objectionable, sometimes. Maybe there was some common ground they could find that wasn’t their romantic feelings for their boss.

“Oh, Professor.” Edelgard said, turning her attention back to Byleth. “I was told you were looking for me. I have some free time now, if you still need me?”

Byleth found her thoughts come crashing to a halt. She had been steeling herself to confront Edelgard earlier, but this unexpected detour had banished all that preparation from her mind. Now Edelgard was standing right in front of her, and staring directly at her beautiful features was making her forget her ethical concerns again.

_ -for Goddess’s sake, how can you even take yourself seriously. How can you expect to win a war if you’re defeated by a pretty face- _

“It’s nothing important, Edelgard. I just had some deployment concerns I wished to go over with you.”

Edelgard proffered her hand. “Shall we talk over tea, then? It has been too long since I shared some with you.”

Byleth’s head was swimming already. Stay calm, stay stoic. Invoke the Ashen Demon. She took Edelgard’s hand to steady herself as she rose to her feet, but was quick to release it again, lets its heat radiate into her and she never let go.

Hubert looked up from his books one final time, and let them part with a cryptic warning. “Don’t get too comfortable, Your Highness. You still have... _ Other concerns _to attend to.”

Edelgard and Hubert shared an inscrutable look. Edelgard’s face was flushed red, all of a sudden, and Byleth could see no reason why. She looked between them, perplexed, and felt something in the pit of her stomach that she couldn’t explain.

“Of course, Hubert. I shan’t neglect my duties. It is only one cup of tea. Come, Professor.”

Byleth couldn’t parse what was happening between the two of them, so she followed Edelgard, relieved to be free of whatever _ that _ interaction was.

But she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t nagging at the back of her mind as she followed Edelgard back to her quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was only meant to be half of a chapter, but by the time I got to Edelgard showing up I was at 2k words, which is about as long as I like to have a chapter. People like me have short attention spans and I like my chapters relatively bite-sized. Stay tuned for Side B, where we piss reconciliation out the window and get some good ol' fuckin angst back on the go.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth wishes to vocalise some concerns she has with Edelgard's actions. It doesn't go as expected. Feelings ensue.

By the time they had reached her room, Byleth’s train of thought had melted entirely. Behind her flat, inexpressive face lay absolutely chaos. She was used to processing one thing at a time, so she could make sense of social cues and etiquette that she still had little experience with. In that way, by thinking slowly and speaking little, she could project the impression that she was a relatively well-adjusted person. But her nerves had overloaded. She was still trying to figure out what that loaded interaction between Hubert and Edelgard had meant, and now she was remembering why she’d wanted to talk to Edelgard in the first place, and-

It wasn’t until she had dropped one of her tea cups on the floor that the smashing porcelain brought her back to reality, and she realised she’d been on automation for the past few minutes. She blinked, staring down at the remains of the cup.

“Oh.”

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Edelgard carefully withdrew her hand, noting Byleth’s reaction, but her brow was furrowed with concern.

“Professor? You seem unwell. Is aught amiss?”

Byleth took a good few seconds before her brain caught up with the previous events. “Yes. I’m just tired. I think.”

Edelgard ushered her into a seat. “Sit down before you hurt yourself. I’ll get the tea. You’re clearly in no state to be pouring hot liquids.”

Byleth offered no objection, allowing Edelgard to fuss over her. She took the time, instead, to try and set her thoughts in order. She wanted to talk to Edelgard about something important, yes, but she also wanted to ask about her and Hubert. She also wanted to feel Edelgard’s hand on her shoulder again, preferably without repeating her sudden panic. But that could wait.

She kept quiet until Edelgard had finished pouring them both tea, and tried to take a sip far too early. She let out a pained gasp, setting her teacup back down with a complete lack of grace.

“Professor,” Edelgard began, her expression no less concerned for Byleth’s further mishaps, “I’ve never seen you lose your composure like this. Take deep breaths, find a rhythm. And then, please, confide in me.”

Byleth did as instructed, doing her best to slow her breath to even intervals. She’d heard that in moments of panic, one could feel their heart against their chest, hear the beating in their ears. She supposed that’s what she  _ should _ be feeling right now. Maybe it was the lack of a heartbeat to contend with that allowed her to set herself at ease without too much bother. She closed her eyes, took a moment to gather herself, and opened them again, meeting Edelgard’s own with something approaching determination.

“Sorry, Edelgard. I think I was nervous. Because we might be about to have an argument, and I’ve never had a proper argument with someone I cared about before. I’ve seen people fall out before, and it always seemed very unpleasant.”

Edelgard studied her, her violet eyes scanning over Byleth’s features, as if trying to predict where this conversation was really going. Byleth noted that it was a habit both her and Hubert seemed to share. 

“Professor, I assure you, you are much too important to me for our friendship to fracture under the weight of a single argument. And I hope you feel the same. What is it that you think that will cause us to argue?”

Byleth averted her gaze, losing her nerve. She stared down into the tea beneath her, watching the ripples as if they had the answer to her current predicament. “I... Don’t agree with something you did. Something we did, actually. I did it too. But I wish we hadn’t. I wish I had said something.”

Edelgard leaned back, and for the moment that Byleth managed to look up her tea, the Emperor’s face was unreadable. Byleth had always kept her objections to herself. Would crossing this line affect their relationship? Somehow, Byleth couldn’t stand the thought.

“And what was it that we did, that causes you such discontent?” If there was anything of what Edelgard was thinking in her tone to find, Byleth hadn’t the skill to discern it.

“We lied. To our friends. I still understand why we had to control the information about Arianhrod, about the real culprits. Our allies can’t be allowed to suspect that we’re plotting against them, or even that we’re letting people know that they exist. But why couldn’t we tell those closest to us? We trust the Black Eagles, and they trust us in turn. And now they burn with a newfound hatred for the Church for something that the Church is, for once, not guilty of. Doesn’t that mean we’re manipulating them?”

Edelgard didn’t have an answer immediately. Her first request was, “Professor... Byleth. Please, look me in the eye.”

Byleth found it in herself to acquiesce. Edelgard’s expression was stern, but soft. She was still studying Byleth’s face, and Byleth could feel the Ashen Demon’s mask failing her entirely. For all the things she had faced in her life on the battlefield, this is what had scared her the most. Conflict with the person she loved.

And then Edelgard stood, suddenly. She lifted her chair, and brought it to the other side of the table, sitting down next to Byleth. She was close. Uncomfortably so. Byleth fought her screaming instincts with all of her will.

“I didn’t want to do it either,” Edelgard began, picking her words carefully, “and I’m still not sure it was the right choice. I wish I could have told them without hesitation, who these monsters that hurt both of us are. Especially Lysithea. She deserves better. But...”

She sighed deep, and tented her hand against her forehead, frowning. It was an expression Byleth had seen often. “It is not that I do not trust them, Professor. I do. They followed me when it meant turning against the Church, turning against their homes, their families. They have all sacrificed so much for me, because they believe in me. They believe in you. You need to understand that hiding this from them is... I have seen many awful things in my life, and I have done half as many myself. And this hurts as much as the worst of them.”

Byleth felt her tension soften, now that she realised that this conversation was not resolving with anywhere near as much hostility as her worst fears had predicted. “Then why not tell them?” She asked, her voice soft, asking, not demanding. “At the moment, it’s just us three against all of them. It doesn’t have to be like that.”

Edelgard shook her head, the motion heavy with regret. “I cannot. We are so close to ending this war. And the next two fights will be the hardest. Not just physically, but emotionally. Those of us with connections to Faerghus, the Church, Dmitri himself... They will find themselves sorely tested. I cannot add to their burdens by telling them of an enemy who had as much hand in engineering this conflict as I did, who has brought so much misery to the world, and we can’t even fight them. Yet. We must remain focussed on one goal at a time. When Fhirdiad has fallen, when Rhea lies dead, then we can tell them the truth. But not now. It’s not the right time.”

Byleth sat silently, letting Edelgard’s words sink in. She hadn’t quite thought about how heavily this had weighed upon the Emperor as well. She lifted her hand, hesitated, and then placed it gently upon one of Edelgard’s gloved own. She was careful not to put too much pressure on, in case she frightened her. Edelgard had shown her some mild physical contact in the past, but Byleth had never returned it, and so she had no idea how Edelgard would react. Indeed, Edelgard stiffened for a moment, but slowly seemed to adjust to the warmth on the back of her hand. The tension left her, and eventually all the pair were focussed on was the sound of their own breathing. 

“I think,” Byleth began, after what seemed like an eternity of silence, “I would still like to tell them. I believe in them. But I’m not in your position. I don’t have to balance the fate of the Empire with my personal life. So I won’t. Because that would be hard for you, and I won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“Thank you, Byleth. I want you to know that I appreciate you telling me your concerns. I need people who disagree with me in order to have perspective, but even more important to me is that you feel like you can be honest with me. I want you to be able to tell me anything that’s on your mind, Professor. I don’t want to be someone you have to tiptoe around.”

Byleth nodded. “I had assumed that this would have meant an argument, and possibly my execution. Perhaps I’ve been around Bernadetta for too long.”

Edelgard laughed, and it was a soft, genuine laugh. Infectious. Byleth found herself laughing too. Not so much at the joke, and more at the ridiculousness of the situation she’d created for herself, when she had nothing to fear in the first place.

They fell silent for a while, and Byleth forgot she had her hand on Edelgard’s. There was just a vague sense of existing in comfort, for a while. And then;-

“A-actually, Professor. There’s... There’s something I’d like to talk to you about, also.”

Byleth snapped back to reality, realising her hand had been idle for far too long, and retreating with not an insignificant level of embarrassment. “Of... Of course. What’s on your mind, Edelgard?”

“It’s about Hubert. Hubert, and... Me. He told me something that I’m not sure how to react to, or feel about.” She frowned again, looking disappointed with herself. “Oh, this is trivial, Professor. It’s beneath me, and beneath you. I’m sorry for bothering you, and I should probably be asking Dorothea, but-”

Byleth placed a hand on Edelgard’s shoulder. If it was what Edelgard used to calm her down, then maybe it worked in reverse, too.

“Edelgard, please. We can both tell each other what’s on our minds, correct? There is nothing beneath me, or either of us, if it worries you this much. So talk to me. I might not be much use as an advisor, but I will always listen.”

Edelgard closed her eyes, finding her resolve. She nodded, and turned to Byleth. “Hubert told me he loves me.”

Oh.

_ -that absolute rat dastard- _

No, no, that wasn’t fair. The terms of the ceasefire were that he wouldn’t tell her about _her _feelings, in exchange for her silence on his _threats._ _His_ feelings were never part of the agreement. This, technically, wasn’t a breach of their conditions. 

And yet she still absolutely fucking hated him in that moment. To think, they’d just been having a pleasant conversation, and she’d almost thought he was a decent sort. The entire time he’d known about this, that he’d gotten one up over her. 

It took Byleth’s most absolute feat of willpower to date to keep her face neutral. She couldn’t let Edelgard see the fury dancing behind her eyes, because then she would have to explain  _ why _ she was angry, and that was definitely the worst thing that could happen right now. Unfortunately, Byleth had no reference for how to behave normally in situations like these. She reached for what seemed like an appropriate, non-hostile response.

“I see. That is. Hmm. Congratulations?”

Edelgard smiled, a little exapserated, and shook her head. “He just confessed to me, Byleth. We aren’t in a relationship yet.”

- _ thank the Goddess- _

Byleth now found herself concealing both fury and relief. “Of course, I’m sorry. I see why you mentioned that you should have spoken to Dorothea. She certainly has much more insight into relationships than I do.”

Edelgard raised an eyebrow, accompanied by a playful grin. “Did you not say that you were willing to listen, anyway? And here you are, cutting me off before I’ve even finished my piece.”

Byleth’s thoughts were like an earthquake, all vibrations, things moving, useful thoughts disappearing into cracks in between. And so she shut up, and nodded.

“It was... My own fault, really.” Edelgard continued. “For someone so close to me, he can often be so distant. He keeps things from me, and it makes me feel... Isolated. So I pressured him into revealing them - his secrets, about his conduct, about himself. And this was the first one he told me.” She chuckled. “I don’t even know if it was just a deflection tactic to stop me asking any further, but if it was, it worked. I haven’t had the courage to ask him anything else since.”

There was silence for a moment, and Byleth tilted her head, indicating for Edelgard to continue. “And I... I’m not sure what to do. It was flattering. Very. I suppose I might have suspected. Dorothea certainly joked about it often enough. I knew he loved me, yes, but... Romantically? I don’t know how to deal with things like this, Professor. I have always prepared myself for the rigours of office and the fires of combat. Romance is not within my skillset.”

“Nor mine.” Byleth conceded. “I think Manuela gave seminars, but only Lorenz and Sylvain attended. Guaranteed Fs all around, including the tutor.”

There was Edelgard’s laughter again. Good. Some of the knots in her stomach were unwinding, just a little.

“But, I think...” Byleth continued, straining for useful information. She drew upon all she had heard from her interactions with the rest of the Black Eagles, and from her father. There had to be something useful in there, somewhere. “I think what matters is how you feel towards him, Edelgard. Nothing else. It’s like...” 

She struggled for an analogy, and had her hands cupped into U shapes, pressing them together, while she thought. Edelgard watched, mistfied. “Uh, Professor...?”   


“Okay, I’m going to have to forgo the visual aides. But I think what’s important is not that he confessed to you, or that he loves you. It’s whether you love him. It needs to run both ways. You can’t have a relationship without that. My mother and my father loved each other. So I was born. Rhea loved me, but I didn’t love her back. And now we’re trying to kill each other.”

Edelgard’s smile was, once again, exasperated. “I think that’s something of an exaggerated example, Professor, and Rhea’s love for you wasn’t exactly romantic... But I see your point. I already did, I suppose, I just needed to hear it from you. I... Don’t love Hubert. Not romantically, anyway. He is my closest friend and my lifelong companion. But my heart doesn’t burn for him the way it would if I... If I desired him.”

_ -you absolutely must not let on that your dead heart is singing- _

_ _ “Well, then. I think that’s what you need to tell him. It will hurt for him, but this isn’t something you can lie about. It would be the more cruel thing to, to allow him to think otherwise.” Said a very neutral, absolutely not biased Byleth. “If you’re certain.” She added, in the interests of not appearing too enthusiastic. “I do not want to make this decision for you, and perhaps you might want to ask someone with more... Expertise.

Edelgard looked up at the ceiling, a strange expression on her face. It was almost like the one she’d shown Hubert earlier today, flushed and embarrassed, but it seemed less conflicted, somehow. “I am certain, yes.” She replied. “Because I know what it feels like to be in love with someone. I already am.”

And there was that knot tying itself back around Byleth’s stomach, tighter than before. She had neglected to think about the fact that Edelgard might be in love with someone who  _ wasn’t _ Hubert. A tactical misjudgement. She’d gotten too complacent. Things going badly for Hubert didn’t mean they were going well for Byleth, and her schadenfreude was being punished appropriately.

“Oh. They are very lucky, then.” She managed.

Edelgard’s gaze came down from the ceiling, and her eyes locked with Byleth’s. It was intense, burning. Like she was staring right into Byleth’s soul. All the raging fire within the Flame Emperor herself burned behind those violet eyes, and it seemed to spread, to burn inside Byleth’s chest and behind her face. She wanted to look away, just for long enough to regain her composure, but she couldn’t. Not for a second. She was going to immolate, right there. A pyre burning with feelings she couldn’t, wouldn’t dare to, articulate.

“If only they knew it.” Edelgard said, simply. 

The tea was long cold by then, so after Edelgard had released Byleth, they had uttered some pleasantries and said their farewells. Byleth didn’t even bother to clean away the tea set. She simply collapsed directly into her bed, every shred of emotional capacity burned away. She was done. She didn’t want to think about what that gaze had meant.

They marched on Fhirdiad soon. She couldn’t afford to be in this state. She would rest, and tomorrow, she would renew her efforts. Her feelings couldn’t interfere with victory. 

Maybe, just maybe, once this was all over and there was no more war to fight, she’d have time for them then. That was a nice thought to fall asleep to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen if these idiots could actually talk about their feelings properly this fic would be over by now. also what the fuck was hubert and edelgard's A support. "i'm in love with you edelgard" "ur so random hubert, lol" "lol"
> 
> changed the description for the whole work because I felt like the old one wasn't really accurate? fuck knows pal i'm just para
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments and such! Every (1) that appears in my inbox injects seratonin directly into my brain.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle of Tailtean Plains is not easy on anybody, but beyond the death, something more terrible eats away at Byleth. And so she makes a bad decision.

**ONE HOUR AFTER THE EXECUTION OF PRINCE DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD  
**

Byleth felt weak.

Never had a battle taxed her like that. It had looked like a slog at the outset, fighting through mud and over water to reach Dimitri. Her mounted units were little faster than the foots soldiers, and the indirect route they needed to take had initially lead her to split her forces to reach a particularly troublesome long-range mage.

Her first use of the Divine Pulse had been to reverse this decision when the Kingdom soldiers on her right flank had started to mutate into monsters.

From there, it had been a gruelling battle of attrition, every inch fought for bitterly as more and more beasts emerged from the enemy’s ranks. When the Church’s soldiers had shown up, Byleth had stopped the advance entirely and formed a defensive perimeter. Despite the fact they were the invading army, Byleth knew that Rhea herself was at the Church’s vanguard, and could be relied upon to charge her heedlessly. Instead of getting caught between hammer and anvil, Byleth decided to ignore the anvil completely.

It had worked. Byleth had landed a serious wound on the furious Rhea, and had stood back as her own soldiers practically dragged her from the field. With the Church in retreat, the grinding advance had continued.

What wore on Byleth the most was not the rinse-and-repeat of wearing down the defenses of one of the monsters, and delivering the final blow. It wasn’t even the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as she had watched Dedue himself writhe, stretch and flow into the largest, most fearsome monster on the field. It was the amount of times she called upon the Divine Pulse. When had she become such an inept tactician? Time and time she saw her friends fall, and reset the clock to test a new configuration. By the time they finally reached Dimitri himself, she felt nauseous. Like she couldn’t call upon it again, even if she wanted to. She was cutting it fine, too fine. They were so close, and if anyone fell...

But Edelgard was brilliant. And Byleth was powerless to stop her. Edelgard and Dimitri had locked in combat before Byleth could reach either of them, to try and resolve with words what they were determined to settle with blades.

She could only watch in silent horror as, after an exchange of pure, unrefined hatred, Edelgard had unceremoniously beheaded Dimitri. 

Her blood had run cold then, and she couldn’t even feel her exhausted limbs as she stood with Edelgard and Hubert in the aftermath. She felt follow. And then-

_ “The Edelgard who shed tears died many years ago.” _

Just like that, something inside Byleth broke. It wasn’t her heart - that wasn’t working in the first place. And it wasn’t her mind - her thoughts were now in perfect clarity. But now, an hour later, Byleth was hunting through the field of corpses. Something had broken. And she had an inkling how to fix it.

There he was. Hubert. This time it was her turn to hunt him.

Hubert was picking through the bodies, looking for anyone of rank who might have left behind missives or orders, anything that might grant insights on their march to Fhirdiad. He noticed Byleth approaching, lifting himself from the mud and blood to look at her through his matted fringe. 

“Professor, it is unusual for you to seek me out alone. To what do I-”

He didn’t finish the sentence. Byleth could only bear his voice for mere moments before she was charging in a blind fury. She grabbed the lapels of his coat as he took a step back, tripping over a corpse behind him. Together they tumbled into the mud, Byleth landing astride him, hands still vice-gripped around his coat.

The two of them took a moment to process what had happened. Hubert looked up at Byleth, perplexed. Byleth looked down at him, and she _ seethed. _

“You. You did this to her.”

A mystified look crawled across Hubert’s face, as he tried to ascertain what Byleth was accusing him of. “Professor, you can start by explaining-”

“General Eisner.”

“What?”

Byleth growled, resisting the urge to move her hands from his coat to his neck. “I am not your Professor. My title is General Eisner. Use it.”

Hubert gathered enough composure for his confusion to turn into pure malice. His contemptuous glare met Byleth’s raw fury. “_General Eisner_, perhaps we could have a more productive discussion if you released me. I do find it hard to hold a conversation with someone who is more occupied with threatening me than speaking to me.”

Byleth lifted his shoulders - easily, a stark reminder of the difference in their physical strength - and slammed him back into the dirt. He was winded for a moment, and she leaned in close, close enough to smell his stench. 

“What did you see, Hubert? Tell me. Tell me what you saw tonight. At the end of the battle, what did you see?”

Realisation dawned on Hubert, and his glare developed a smirk as his train of thought followed. “I saw the Emperor of Fódlan execute one of her enemies, as is her right. Would you not agree, _General Eisner_? Do you disapprove of the conduct of your Emperor?”

Byleth was yelling now, a fury she had never felt boiling up from her chest and erupting from her mouth. “I saw Edelgard _ slaughter _ one of her oldest friends, as though it came naturally to her! I saw my closest friend murder her step-brother without so much as a single tear! The woman who is to lead the Empire into a new dawn, dead to compassion, empathy, to her own feelings!”

Hubert struggled to raise himself into a more dignified position. He'd almost got up onto his elbows before Byleth slammed him into the ground again.

“So why are you here?” Hubert spat. “If our Emperor is not _soft_ enough for you, why are you accosting me, and not her?”

“_Because you did this to her!_” Byleth screamed. She hadn’t even realised her fist had released his coat and slammed into the ground next to his face, a mere inch away. Byleth was too furious to tell if Hubert was displaying any fear. She was being carried by this outpouring, this release of feelings she hadn’t even realised had been festering inside her. “You turned her into this. Always at her side. Telling her what she must become to be Emperor. Helping her along the way, giving her what she wants. All you needed from her was a sacrifice, of anything you found _ distasteful. _ So you could mould her into your perfect Emperor, the person you _ wanted _to serve. You created your own fantasy, and lead her into it under the guise of being her friend!”

Hubert was already laughing before Byleth had finished. It wasn’t the snide little chuckles he usually limited himself to. It was deep, belly laughing, as if Byleth had said the most hilarious thing in the world. Fresh fury flooded into Byleth’s veins, and the next time Byleth’s fist rose and fell, it didn’t miss. Hubert spat blood.

“I can’t believe,” he began once he had recovered enough to speak, “that the esteemed Professor would convince herself of such a fiction. You have seen something you do not like, and you have created a scapegoat that you can vent your frustrations on. Like a child. Do you have so little respect for Lady Edelgard’s autonomy that you think she’d be so easily _ controlled?” _

“I was gone for five years.” Byleth growled. “For five years, her only counsel, her only advice, came from you. I slept for five years, and when I woke up, she was changed. She was different. I remember her empathy. I remember her kindness. She was ambitious, but she was _ kind_. You couldn’t _ wait _ until I was gone so you could pour poison in her ear to rot it away.”

Hubert shook his head, his expression of pure contempt giving way to an anger of his own. “You seem to think that I have this construct of Lady Edelgard in my head, and that I have been picking away at her all these years, trying to make the reality match my fantasy. It’s a disgusting sentiment, Professor, but also insightful. Because to my ears, it sounds like _ you’re _ the one who wants Edelgard to be something she is not.”

Byleth’s fury rose up like bile. She pictured vomiting in his face right there. “What are you talking about, Hubert?”

His smile grew, like he knew he had caught a loose thread, and was beginning to unravel it. “Is this how you reconciled your ethical concerns, Professor? Did you paint a picture in your head of an Edelgard who was _ nice _ , who _ cared _ about the people she fought against? So you could come to terms with following her? You are denying reality, Professor, so that you might sleep at night!”

“No! You are the one who speaks of the necessity of her crimson path, of steeling our hearts against what we must do! I have never once twisted her mind!”

“Oh? And was it not you who claimed to walk at her side, Byleth? Another lie. I have served Lady Edelgard for two decades. You, Professor, have known her for the equivalent of a year! And you presume to lecture me of the _ real _ Edelgard, that only you know? Absolute garbage!”

Byleth was shaking her head, trying to stop Hubert’s words worming their way into her brain. “She told me we were closer than friends, that we were like family. She wanted me to call her ‘El’. There is a human being in there, I am _ not _ making it up-”

“You think that because she cares for you, that she must be a good person? The arrogance of it all. She cares for you because you, too, have laid your conscience aside in the name of something greater. It is an insult to her that you pretend your relationship is anything less sordid. You are both conquerors, and your hands are both slick with the blood you have spilled. She has come to terms with it. You have not.”

“...Enough. Shut up, Hubert. I will not-”

“Professor!”

The introduction of another voice snapped Byleth to attention. Her gaze swung around from Hubert, and she caught sight of a figure running towards them. It was Ferdinand. Byleth wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not. She still wanted to drive Hubert into the mud beneath them, to grind and punch and spit until his spectre was gone. But her fury was giving way to doubt, to the questions he had implanted in her mind.

_Have I invented an Edelgard? Am I no different from Alois, with his fake Jeralt?_

Then Ferdinand was pulling her upright, and she couldn’t find it in herself to resist. “Come on, Professor, this is no place for a fight. And on the eve of our victory, too! What did you say to her, Hubert?!”

Byleth faded out as Hubert protested. Ferdinand was refusing to believe the Professor would attack Hubert unprovoked. Maybe she should have corrected him. Maybe it was the right thing to do. She didn’t much care right now.

As Ferdinand and Hubert stomped off together, Ferdinand tugging at Hubert’s arm and trying to calm him down, despite his clear disinterest, Byleth had seen something else. A figure clad in deepest crimson, staring right at her.

“How long...” Byleth began, her voice shaking, dread creeping into every muscle in her chest. “How long have you been there, Edelgard?”

“About since when you tackled Hubert into the ground.” Edelgard’s gaze was inscrutable, and Byleth couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d made a horrible, horrible mistake. “I heard everything.”

Silence. After a moment, Byleth dared to fill it. “...And?”

“It is clear to me, Byleth, that we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> turning the big dial of ANGST up to 11, baybeeeeee!
> 
> allow me this one more chapter of delicious conflict. i promise the fluff is coming. please. you have to believe me


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Byleth's outburst might be too much to bear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who decided to write two chapters in two days. THIS fuckin idiot

The slog back to Edelgard’s tent in the encampment seemed to last an age. Edelgard was silently leading Byleth back through the mud and corpses, never once turning her gaze backward. As Byleth followed her, she attempted to keep her anger flowing, to fuel her indignation. But staring at Edelgard’s back as she marched gave her plenty of time for Hubert’s words to play over in her head, and the longer they did, the more her fury gave way to doubt. Hubert was exceptionally skilled in subterfuge, and that included wordplay. He knew all the right words to make someone come apart when he needed them to, without lifting a weapon. Of course he knew how to drive a stake through Byleth’s thoughts.

And yet, everything he said fit. If she could imagine that scenario, and it mirrored reality perfectly, then maybe he was right. Maybe Byleth was the one who had invented an Edelgard, a persona that was more pleasing to her than the real one. Maybe she was just throwing a tantrum as it became clear that reality wasn’t matching her daydream. Maybe-

She was so caught up in this recursion of thought that she didn’t notice that she had entered Edelgard’s quarters. She was made aware only when she narrowly avoided walking directly into Edelgard, who had come to a halt. Byleth mumbled an apology, and stepped back to the entrance.

This was another new experience. Feeling sheepish, chided. It was more severe than that, certainly, but she had never experienced wronging somebody, and then living that torturous wait to see how they would respond. She fixated on a particular spot on the ground, and waited.

Eventually, it came.

“I’m disappointed in you, Professor.”

Ah. Another new experience. That pain in her unbeating heart was unlike anything else, because it was her fault. She had hurt somebody, and there was no immediate way to correct it. Healing magic wouldn’t solve this. It was a nature of wound that she wasn’t familiar with, and nobody had told her how to mend it.

At least now she understood the significance of an apology.

“I’m sorry, Edelgard.” Silence was her response, so she continued, even as she felt as though she was digging a deeper hole. “I should have talked to you.”

Edelgard turned, finally, to face her. Edelgard’s expression was not one of anger, or even particularly sadness. It seemed like concern.

“This discussion isn’t going to be about me, Professor. It’s going to be about you.”

Byleth struggled for words, panic rising inside her. “I know I was out of line. It won’t-”

“Byleth.”

She froze still. Edelgard wanted her to listen. It was the least she could do now.

Edelgard approached her, until there was mere inches between them. Byleth refused to meet her gaze. “Byleth, what is happening to you?”

That wasn’t the question Byleth had anticipated. She frowned, confused, and raised her head to level with Edelgard. “I don’t understand.”

“No, I imagine you don’t.” Edelgard said softly. “Professor, to say that this is out of character for you would be an exaggeration. And it’s not the first time. Five years ago, you were measured, taciturn, even-headed. Emotionless, yes. Distant. You think I have changed, but it is you that has changed the most. Your emotions are rampant, and it’s affecting your judgement. This isn’t the first time you’ve clashed with Hubert, is it? He told me about your first night back.”

The rage came back to Byleth in a sudden, unwelcome wave. “He _ what? _He had no right!”

“Byleth!” Edelgard barked. “This is exactly what I mean! These outbursts of yours were unthinkable, once upon a time. You are learning to feel, but you have never learnt restraint or propriety. You need both, or you cannot function.”

A sudden, horrible thought crossed Byleth’s mind, and she felt it in her gut. “...What did Hubert say about our confrontation?”

“He was cagey with the details. He didn’t tell me what you argued about.” _ Thank goodness. She doesn’t know. _“But he expressed concern for your... Stability. He argued that you weren’t fit to lead, that your absence had affected you. I told him he was wrong, and I vouched for you. Are you trying to make a liar of me, Byleth?”

“No. Of course not, Edelgard. I just...”

Byleth sighed. This was all so ridiculous. She was the Ashen Demon, was she not? What would the people who given her that name think now, to see her lashing out with unrestrained emotions? She found her way to Edelgard’s bed, and sank into it as her head sank into her hands.

“For most of my life, I had nothing to care about. My emotions were muted by whatever Rhea did to me, probably. But there was never anything important to me, apart from dad. I never learned what it was like to care so deeply about anything. And now, there is so much that is important to me. And you’re right. I never learned how to cope with that. I don’t know how to cope with it. It’s all too much. And so, tonight, I thought I’d found an easy solution. I’m not sure what I expected to happen. There was no tactical justification for it. Nothing good could have come of it.”

Byleth’s fists balled in frustration. “I have always had solutions to everything, Edelgard. I can plan for and react to almost any situation on the battlefield. Why is this what defeats me?”

Edelgard was silent for a while. As the minutes passed, Byleth heard the sound of clanking armour falling to the floor. Not once did Byleth look up. Eventually, she had pulled a chair over to sit opposite Byleth. 

“Professor,” she began, tentatively. Byleth could tell she wasn’t sure of what to say. “I’m not certain I’m the right person to talk about feelings with. After all, even you think of me as an unfeeling tyrant now, do you not?”

Byleth looked up, her mouth locked open in protest as she struggled for words.. Edelgard was still dressed in her outfit, but the armour and crown had gone. She looked more vulnerable than Byleth had seen since those nights five years ago, when Edelgard awoke from her nightmares. Byleth couldn’t deny the things she had said tonight. But now, with time and presence of mind to think, she could process them. Give them context.

“I don’t think you’re unfeeling, nor a tyrant, Edelgard. But I am worried about you. I know that this war has affected you, because I don’t see how it could not have. The things that you are burying... I was afraid tonight. I thought that maybe you were burying your pain so deep inside you that it might not surface again. I can’t think of feelings in anything but abstract metaphors. That’s how my mind works, I think. I have to think of them as a kind of energy. That’s how it feels. When I feel something, it feels physical. When I feel it a lot, it burns, or it chills, or it threatens to explode or overflow. I feel like a dam, and I feel like I’m no longer sufficient to hold the flow back. And I thought, perhaps that’s what you’re like too. And I thought that if the pressure is building up inside you, then maybe one day you’d burst, too.”

Edelgard managed a soft laugh. “For someone so emotionally undeveloped, you have a way with words, my teacher. And I think that, if you understand that you are a dam, then maybe you will learn how to release your own pressure. With control, and care, and patience.”

“But what about you, Edelgard? Surely you need to have an outlet, too. We said we could share each other's burdens, but I never understood what that meant. I think I do now. Let me help you, Edelgard. We can learn this together.”

Edelgard shook her head. She gazed upon Byleth with soft, defeated eyes. “I’m not a dam, Byleth. I’m a void. There is a hole inside me, and it is filled with everything I have sacrificed or lost. Sometimes they bubble up to haunt me in my sleep. But they never leave. And there is always more space for dead things.”

Apparently some life had returned to Byleth, because no sooner had Edelgard finished talking than Byleth’s hands had darted forwards to grasp Edelgard’s. She held them tight, locking Edelgard’s eyes in her own, steely resolve returned to them. Byleth had a hard time accepting things that she didn’t like. Hubert had been right about that, it seemed. But he was right about another thing, and Byleth had to accept that, too. 

“Edelgard, I have to apologise.. I thought we were the same. I thought if I just explained how I process my feelings, then you could do the same, and it would be an easy solution. But we’re not the same.”

That seemed to hurt Edelgard, but it was the truth, and Byleth had to continue. The one thing Hubert had got absolutely correct was that Byleth had misunderstood how Edelgard dealt with her feelings.

“My feelings might not work the same way yours do. My head is like a cacophony. Everything is loud and constant, like it’ll burst open if I just let it. But if you’re a void, that’s not how it works, perhaps. I have to hold mine back. Perhaps you need to pull yours forth.”

Edelgard frowned, but didn’t respond. She was giving Byleth time to finish her thought, and so Byleth continued. “If you’ve pushed everything so far down, then it isn’t on the surface like mine. You can control it. But it doesn’t go away. Even if it’s just in nightmares, they come back. I don’t think you could ever get rid of something so important. Because it is important, even if it’s negative.”

Edelgard sighed with frustration. “Your old lectures were a lot more concise, Professor. You’ve lost your touch.”

Byleth paused, taking a moment to think about it. Edelgard was right. This would never have passed for an explanation at Garreg Mach. “Sorry. I’m used to talking about things I’m qualified to teach. But I had a point. Those things that don’t go away, our burdens. Mine have been stuck in my head for a year or so. I can only imagine how long you’ve carried yours. But I know that they won’t get any better if you keep them to yourself. You have to communicate. I know my feelings have changed because I talked to you, and you responded. And perhaps yours changed when you told me about your nightmares.”

“It’s amazing to hear you talk about this, Professor.” Edelgard had a look of genuine amazement. “I’d almost think you were making it up as you go along.”

“I’m a quick learner.” Byleth responded, not missing a beat.

Edelgard smiled. “I understand what you are trying to say, Byleth. It’s sweet. But these things I have to live with, they’re not the sort of thing you can just talk out. Words only have so much power. I could regale you with every detail and it would never make any of it better.”

“Then cry about them.”

Edelgard blinked. “Excuse me?”

“They make you want to cry, correct? Crying is a form of communication. When Jeralt died, I cried a lot. But it was when I cried with someone else, that I started to feel better.” Byleth couldn’t exactly tell about Edelgard about how it was Sothis that she had cried with, but she trusted Edelgard not to pry. “It’s relieving the pressure from behind the dam.”

“But that was you, Professor. This is me. I can’t cry. I can’t afford to. I’m the Emperor of the Adrestian Empire.”

“It took me over twenty years to do it.” Byleth stated, matter-of-fact. “It wasn’t so difficult once I just let it happen.”

Edelgard was laughing now, shielding her face with her hand. “This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous, Professor.”

“Yes.”

“I told you that the Edelgard that cried is dead.”

“Yes.”

“I told you I can’t.”

“Yes.”

“I would drown, Byleth. The dam would break and my tears would drown me.”

“Then we’ll swim.”

“I can’t swim, Byleth! You know that!” Edelgard was caught somewhere between laughing and sobbing. For all her talk, Byleth’s obstinence had opened up something inside of her, and it wasn’t stopping.

“Then I’ll teach you. I’m good at that.”

“You are impossible!” 

Byleth had to admit that, yes, she was impossible. So instead of disagreeing, she let go of Edelgard’s hands and reached around her back, pulling her close. Edelgard made a noise of protest, but Byleth wrapped her arms tight around Edelgard’s torso. It felt different than when they’d embraced back at the Goddess Tower. There was no armour. Byleth could feel Edelgard’s warmth against her. “This made me feel safe when you did it to me. I’m hoping it works for you too.”

“Prof- Byleth-” Edelgard could manage no more. She sank into Byleth’s shoulder, clamped her hands tight around Byleth’s cloak, and wept. Her body shook as huge, ugly sobs wracked her, a lifetime of suffering rushing to the surface in an unstoppable wave. Byleth knew how much there was. Her siblings, who she had surely loved, all dead or worse. The grotesque experiments she had been subjected to. All the years of isolation, of being denied a normal life. And tonight, she had killed Dimitri with her own hands in the conclusion of a cruel pantomime written for her by her uncle. It was all too much for her, for anyone. Byleth teared up just to think of it. All she could do was hope that it all sank into her, that she might share it with Edelgard. She clung to her tighter, trying to erase the distance between them.

Once again that night, time crawled to a standstill. Neither could tell how long they were locked together like that, but when Edelgard finally pushed herself up upright, they were both empty. No words came to them, there was nothing to say. Like Edelgard had said, words only held so much power. They were inadequate, now. Byleth looked up at the Emperor, her hair damp from rain and tears and matted against her face, which was deep crimson and drenched. Byleth ached to tell her how beautiful she looked. But that was perhaps a step too far.

Eventually, Edelgard spoke, or rather whispered. “Byleth, we march on Fhirdiad tomorrow. We.... Have to be prepared. Can you promise me this won’t interfere?”

Byleth nodded. “I am more capable than ever, Edelgard. No more distractions. My purpose is clear.”

Edelgard smiled, leaning back in her seat, the embarrassment of the situation suddenly hitting her. She hid her face behind her hand, refusing to meet Byleth’s gaze. “Thank you, my teacher. I am... Thank you.”

“If you ever need to cry again, please tell me. Or even to talk. I will gladly share your burdens, so long as you provide me with them.” Byleth rose from the bed, making to leave. Edelgard seemed surprised by the suddenness of it, so Byleth elaborated. “It is late, and I must see to the other Black Eagles. Ingrid was Dimitri’s friend. She might not be doing so well.”

“Will you invite them to cry with you, as well?”

Byleth considered it, for a moment. “Yes, if I must. But not on my shoulder. That’s yours now, I think.”

Perhaps if Edelgard’s face had not already been deep red from all the crying, Byleth might have seen the blush that crept across it. But she remained blissfully ignorant for now. She turned to leave, but-

“The Goddess Tower.” Edelgard blurted out.

Byleth, halfway out the door, turned back to her. “What about it?”

“When all this over and done. Meet me there, Byleth. Please.”

Byleth considered asking for more information. She wasn’t sure why Edelgard would be asking her this. But it was important to her obviously, and that was reason enough.

“Of course. Good night, Edelgard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I've been reliably informed by my partner that this qualifies as what is known as "hurt/comfort". I'm learning new things. what this does mean is that I was technically lying when I said there'd be fluff in this chapter. Apologies. It is comin' tho. Due about the same time as Half Life 3
> 
> btw if for some incomprehensible reason you want to contact me, my tumblr is inRemote and my twitter is @scunnerfan


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fhirdiad has fallen, and the war is over. Byleth has only ever known battle. The adjustment will not be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER TAKES PLACE BETWEEN CHAPTERS 7 AND 8
> 
> Something was bothering me about the gap between them, and how I'd not really dealt with how the aftermath of Fhirdiad affected Byleth personally. So I went back and threw this together. I'll move it to its rightful place in the order when I post the next chapter. Sorry!

**THE MORNING AFTER THE BURNING OF FHIRDIAD  
**

Byleth woke up in the infirmary.

She was vaguely aware of the presence of a couple of nurses in the room, and so she made every attempt to remain still, keeping her eyes shut. She wasn’t ready for people to know she was awake, just yet.

In the moment, in Edelgard’s arms, feeling her heart hammering in her chest, there had been no time for thoughts. Just the feeling of life, raw _ life_, burning through her veins. It had been overwhelming. She hadn’t remained conscious for long, but in those moments, she had felt Edelgard’s arms trembling, tight around her, and her tears falling upon her, and the sensations were exhilarating. She had felt serene, joyous, alive. And then she had promptly passed out.

Waking up in a medical cot was a very different experience. She felt every pound of her heartbeat, still. Now she had time to ponder why, and she was still unsure. Other thoughts invaded her head, preying upon the silence in the room to make themselves known. 

Rhea was dead. The shadow she had cast over Byleth’s identity had been lifted, gone with the last of the emerald in her hair. The Goddess she had planted in Byleth was now gone, gone _ somewhere _, and whatever influence over her that kept her blood pumping where her dead heart couldn’t, was gone with her. 

Cyril, too. That hadn’t been easy. Cyril had always been blindly loyal to Rhea, in a way that would have distressed Byleth if it hadn’t reminded her of her own loyalty to Edelgard. He had stuck to her side right until the end, and there had been no way to reach her without going through him. It had been too late, too near the end to hesitate.

And Catherine. Or maybe that deserved a question mark. Byleth knew she had seen Shamir break formation to face Catherine before anyone else could reach her. They had exchanged tense, bittersweet greetings. And then it was over in an instant, Catherine felled by a lightning-fast shot.

Byleth knew anatomy pretty well. She’d learned young which parts on the human body were the most vulnerable, which would kill instantly when struck, and which would merely incapacitate. That arrow had never been anywhere near lethal. And as Shamir picked Catherine’s body from the ground and vanished into the side streets of Fhirdiad, Byleth had a feeling that she would see neither of them again. She wished them well. It had been a small mercy on a night with precious little of it to spare.

But the night had resolved all the same. The Immaculate One was dead, felled by Edelgard and Byleth’s combined strength. The leaders of all the major factions in Fodlan were now either dead, fled, or Edelgard. There was still the problem of their shadowy allies, but the war as most knew it was over. There was too much to think about. Regrets, hopes, implications, reality, Byleth needed time to sort her thoughts out. All at once after a brief spat of unconsciousness was not the optimum way to do it.

She needed a little time. She allowed herself to stir at last, immediately catching the attention of her attendants, and she passively allowed them to fuss over her. The urgent call of voices, the hammering of footfalls, Byleth allowed it all to flow over her. This, too, was a sign of being alive; the faint sense of irritance at being fussed over.

She opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the light pouring into the room. “Please don’t let anyone know I’m awake just yet.” She asked the nurse currently raising her into a more upright position. 

“I’m sorry, but Emperor Edelgard requested that we inform her immediately-”

“_ Please. _” Byleth placed her hand on the nurse’s arm urgently. “I will accept full responsibility. I just need a moment. To compose myself.”

The nurse hesitated, obviously uncomfortable at disobeying a direct order from the Emperor. But Byleth had a reputation of her own, and she relented. “Five minutes. And then I really must tell her.”

“And could I have those minutes to myself? I’d like a little privacy, if that’s okay.”

Byleth could feel the nurse attempting to judge exactly how far she could let Byleth push her luck.

“Fine. But I shall instruct her majesty to direct her grievances to you directly.”

Byleth nodded, closing her eyes and falling back against her pillows. Sure, five minutes was enough to process the enormity of what they’d done. Why not.

What was immediately apparent to Byleth was that she was not _ happy _ with the end of the war. 

It was not that she had wanted it to continue, certainly. The more of the Ashen Demon that died inside her, the more the bloodshed had started to sicken her. Once she had been a born killer. Now she’d seen too many people die for they believed in. Goddess, she’d killed plenty of them herself. How many had perished at her hands over the past months? Into three figures, certainly. The Sword of the Creator had been well suited for cleaving her way through soldiers like so much chaff, straight to the heart of their units where she could cut down their officers and send the survivors into retreat. It was hard to call it a mercy, but it was certainly efficient. 

The memory of all that death flooded her, and she found herself gripping the sheets beneath her tight enough to set her knuckles white. It was easy to become desensitised to that mass slaughter, especially when her mind was occupied with thoughts of fighting, and killing, people she’d once counted as friends. But it was important, now, to accept the reality of what she’d done. Because in a few short minutes, the room would fill with people elated to see her alive, and she wasn’t sure when she’d have the time to feel truly awful after that.

She’d killed so many people. That much was fact. It was _ done. _They all had. But what was it all for? Everyone had something to believe in, it seemed. Edelgard had her dream of a world without nobles or Crests, of freedom from the Church. And most of their friends following her, they shared in that vision, with their own personal dreams mixed in. 

Byleth wanted to move. She felt so _ static _ in this bed. She tried to move, to lift her body onto her feet. But it was clear that her body had no such inclination. Her wounds ached, and the nerves in her limbs lit up like so many needles. It was not a body used to a heartbeat. She sighed, and let herself slump back onto the headrest.

It was time for Byleth to decide what it was she believed in. And this meant making a choice. A choice that was thought-out, reasoned, something that she could call her own. She’d only made a choice once in her life, to protect her student against the Archbishop. And even that had felt more like instinct. 

Here and now, Byleth had five minutes to find a purpose. At least, a framework she could build upon. She needed to, so she could face all of her friends who had killed and suffered for something they truly believed in. Not exactly a generous allowance of time, but Byleth adapted well to pressure. Her gaze drifted around the room, as if the sparse decorations would tell her something, or impart some kind of hint. White walls. A potted plant. Whatever she needed to find, it wasn’t here. It wasn’t anything so uncomplicated.

The answer had to lie in everything she had felt since she had merged with Sothis, when her mind had truly become her own. That was the moment where the dam had started to crack, when the dull feelings had started to sharpen. Of course, the overwhelming memory was her love for Edelgard. It had been so strong, so all-consuming, that she had worried that it had been all that drove her. And that was certainly no reason to wage a war. 

Byleth gazed at the ceiling. Featureless, unblemished, pure white. It looked much like an untouched canvas.

But there had been other things, hadn’t there? She’d felt compassion for her enemies. She’d spared everyone she could. Claude, Hilda, Flayn, Seteth, they were the obvious examples. She’d gone out of her way to ensure their survival. And even Dimitri, she had _ wanted _ to save him, even if fate had denied her. Her heart - her _ beating, working heart _\- ached, and the ceiling seemed to blur and swim in the moisture that came unbidden to her eyes. Her hands came up to wipe them clean, and then her palms were pressed against her sockets. Lights danced behind her lids as she pressured them, as if they would converge into something that made sense.

There was more than that, it was more than just her friends. All of her strategies had been focussed on minimising casualties on both sides. Cut down the officers, and their battalions would flee. Cut clean through the shortest path, and they could avoid fighting some enemies altogether. Cut down the backbone of the army, and the rest would surrender. 

Efficiency, she would once have called it. But killing had become so distasteful to her. She couldn’t deny that she had been trying to end everything quickly, not for the sake of efficiency, but the knowledge that the sooner the war ended, the less death there would be.

There was the framework that Byleth needed. Life was important, and should be protected. It didn’t matter whose it belonged to, friend or enemy. 

Byleth laughed. It was bitter, and it clawed at her throat as it came. She didn’t care if the nurses outside heard, if they thought she was losing her mind. She might just have been.

It was a cruel irony that she had come to this conclusion, after being the architect of so much death. How could the Ashen Demon claim to care for the value of life? She’d spent her whole life killing. It was all she had been good at. In fact, she was what she excelled at. No feelings to stay her hand, to make her think twice. Swift, strong, unflinching. The perfect soldier.

But that had been the Ashen Demon, a product of someone else’s creation. Now she needed to find Byleth Eisner. A creation of her own. And if she wanted anything to guide her going forward, something that was truly hers, it had to start here. If she wanted to stand at Edelgard’s side, she had to be more than a shell filled with nothing but blind love. It was terrifying to her to think of herself as a person, with an identity of her own. That she would be making her own choices, choosing her own path. But she’d never known how badly she needed this until it had been within her grasp.

Tears nipped at the corners of her eyes again, but there was something there. Truly, she had found something that was _ her _ . It hurt because it _ mattered _.

She loved Edelgard. But first, she needed to figure out some way to love herself. Because now there was a self to love. And in order to love herself, she needed to act in a way that made herself proud. The Ashen Demon did not make her proud. General Eisner did not make her proud. Maybe there was a Byleth Eisner in this future that they were about to create that would make her proud. That Byleth would need to preserve life, not take it. That Byleth would need to have saved as many lives as she had taken. Then she’d be proud of herself. And then she would be worthy of Edelgard, but more importantly, of her own happiness.

The door swung open. It would have cut through Byleth’s train of thought, but she found herself at its terminus. “Okay, that’s five minutes up.” The nurse told her. “I’m afraid I must call the Emperor immediately. And I imagine the rest of your Strike Force will not be far behind.”

Byleth turned to her, and found herself smiling, curiously. She was a work in progress, but at the very least, there was progress to be made. That was something.

“Of course. I’m ready to face them now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wee baby learns how to feel. god bless her fuckin socks.
> 
> I'm at @scunnerfan if you're inty that twitter stuff


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weeks after the fall of Fhirdiad, Edelgard uses creative administrative wiles to arrange some quiet time for her and Byleth before their final fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're post canon now baybeeeee the limiters are off!

**ONE MONTH AFTER THE BURNING OF FHIRDIAD**

Garreg Mach looked so peaceful, with the Imperial army no longer garrisoning it. There was a token guard still attached to it, but with the war over and the Black Eagle Strike Force no longer operating out of it, there was little reason to keep it fully staffed.

And yet, here they were. One last mission to carry out.

That said, the Black Eagles were not here yet, due to arrive the following morning. It was just Edelgard and Byleth. Tactically, this was unsound. Byleth was loathe to leave Edelgard with such a paltry guard. But it had been Edelgard’s own plan. The orders to return to Garreg Mach had been given in utmost secrecy, and in a display of unnecessary risk-taking Byleth had never seen Edelgard engage in, she had created a “miscommunication” in which Byleth and Edelgard had simply been instructed to arrive a day earlier. A clerical error. Byleth was worried, certainly, but also impressed. They hadn’t had a single moment to themselves since Byleth had placed her father’s ring on Edelgard’s finger. Edelgard had seen an opportunity to rectify that, and had gone for it. 

So here they were, with an evening to kill before the rest of their force arrived in the morning. Byleth wasn’t sure, honestly, if she’d be able to enjoy it. Tomorrow, they would lead a surprise attack on Shambhala. Lord Arundel had left the capital on unspecified business. Hubert’s spies had confirmed he had arrived in Hrym and promptly disappeared. Thales had returned to his home. They could destroy both in one fell swoop.

But that was tomorrow, and this was today. They had passed into the monastery with strict orders to the guard to leave them well enough alone. Byleth wondered if the pond still had fish in it. It might be nice to teach Edelgard how to fish. 

They wandered the gardens in silence for a while. Obviously the gardening staff had been retained, because the plants and flowers were as immaculately kept as ever. Maybe one day the entire monastery would be restored to the same state. There was no Church to occupy it, certainly, but they could repurpose it. Build it into a beacon of hope fit for a new era.

Byleth had hope for the future. It was novel, to her. She’d never thought about the future before, not really. She’d always fought for the present. But loving Edelgard meant believing in what Edelgard strove for. She’d had her share of doubts in the past. Even now, she wasn’t sure they would be able to build the future Edelgard wanted. But better that she try, than allow all the bloodshed to be for nothing. Maybe she was still doing it entirely for Edelgard’s sake. Maybe her revitalised, beating heart was still only big enough for one person. Maybe it didn’t really matter to Byleth. Everything she cared about stood right next to her. That had once been enough for her. 

She squeezed Edelgard’s hand reflexively, and Edelgard glanced sideways, smiled, and squeezed back. It was something she’d found herself doing quite often recently. She liked to marvel in the reality that this was something she _ could _do. That she could reach out to Edelgard, touch her, and have Edelgard respond in kind. If this was something she was supposed to get used to, she couldn’t see how. Even this much sent a wave of emotions she had never been trained to process through her. She imagined if she tried to hug Edelgard again, she might collapse. This was as far as she had got. 

So much for not enjoying herself. Her worries about the next mission were very, horribly real. Sothis was gone. She needed to sit down with Edelgard, explain what that meant. She would not be the prescient tactician this time. But somehow it was hard to dwell on these thoughts when there was something so real, so tactile, so immediate, so important to her. That she could feel so much through her hand alone, even through Edelgard’s gloves, was incredible. She sighed. This was definitely going to be a problem.

Edelgard caught her sigh, and stopped, placing her hand on Byleth’s arm. “Is something the matter, Byleth? I understand if bringing you here wasn’t the most... Tactful thing to do. You must have a lot of painful memories of this place.”

So that’s what Edelgard was worrying about. In truth, the thought hadn’t found the space in Byleth’s mind to occupy, what with everything else swirling around in there. It was true that Garreg Mach had come to represent conflict instead of their peaceful school days, all those years ago. But Byleth found that she was surprisingly unburdened by that.

“No, that isn’t it. I have many memories of this place. Good and bad. It’s painful to think about the bad ones, but the good ones remind me of what this place was. Perhaps what it still could become. Garreg Mach is defined by the era, it seems. It will be what we make of it.”

Byleth felt Edelgard lean gently into her shoulder, and her face burned. This was nice. “You’re right. I hope that when I return here in ten, twenty years time, it will be every bit the symbol it once was. Before I ruined it.”

Byleth was quick to nip that line of thought in the bud. She turned around Edelgard, coming to a stop in front of her, and placed a hand on either shoulder. “El,” she began, and hesitated. She felt the heat return to her face, and watched on Edelgard’s as it mirrored visually what Byleth was feeling. But Byleth had a point to make, and feelings would have to wait. “That peace was a facade over a rotten core. We both know this. To let it last would have meant allowing atrocities to continue in the name of stability. It’s a shame that it all had to begin here, of all places. But it had to start somewhere. And when this place is rebuilt, we’ll be able to feel proud of what we did.”

Byleth didn’t know if she’d ever feel proud of those years of violence, but she had to believe that Edelgard would. She couldn’t let bear her that burden forever. 

Edelgard smiled, gently, thought it betrayed some sadness still. “I already know what you are saying is true. But it sounds so much more real coming from your mouth than mine.” Byleth felt a small pang of guilt at that. “Thank you, for supporting me. I couldn’t have done any of this without you. But more importantly, I don’t think I could stand tall in the aftermath without you. I can feel proud of what I have done, somehow, knowing that you are here beside me. If I have created a future with you, then it must be a good one.”

Byleth burned with feelings she couldn’t place. She wanted to declare, there and then, that she had done everything for Edelgard and Edelgard alone. That she would have committed atrocities in her name. That she would have followed Edelgard anywhere, have done anything, just to stay with her.

Somehow, the words wouldn’t come. Edelgard wouldn’t have appreciated the sentiment, most likely. So instead, she just smiled, let her hands fall from Edelgard’s shoulders, and let the serenity of the monastery cast any complicated thoughts to the aether.

The rest of the evening passed without incident. The silent, still environment, disturbed only by the wind and the occasional guard, lent the place a sense of stasis. They didn’t need to say anything or do anything. This was such a far cry from how they’d spent their lives for so long that it was enough of an experience by itself. Byleth was trying to be alert, to compensate for their lack of security. But even she couldn’t help herself when the two of them lay down on the lawn, hand in hand, the spring breeze and gentle sun lulling them both to sleep.

They woke up a couple hours later, covered in grass stains, and very hungry. Edelgard playfully demanded why Byleth had not awoken her, as they hurried towards the dining hall to see if they could still make it before serving hours closed. Byleth was just glad that they had been able to do something so vulnerable without consequence.

An hour later, gorged on leftovers and surprisingly casual chat with the catering staff, the two decided it was a good time to turn in for the night. Which presented a new problem.

“Byleth, where exactly are we going to sleep tonight?”

Byleth turned to to Edelgard, frowning. “What do you mean? Are our old rooms not available?”

“The cleaning staff is running on a skeleton crew. They kept my room tidied just in case, but mine alone. Yours will be a mess.”

Byleth shrugged. “It’s only been two or three weeks. There might be a bit of dust, but it’ll still be hospitable.”

“Perhaps, but...” Edelgard trailed off, refusing to meet Byleth’s eyes. Byleth tilted her head, curious.

“Oh. Did you want me to sleep with you?”

Edelgard’s hue turned as red as her outfit, her gaze sinking further as she seemed to collapse in on herself.. “...Yes. If that is agreeable to you.”

“Of course.” Byleth nodded. She was used to sleeping in confined spaces with other people. There had been many times as a mercenary where space had been limited, and she’d had to sleep with another, or several others. Surely this would be no different. She trusted Edelgard even more, so it should be even easier.

Byleth’s thoughts lingered on it for a few moments. The burning returned to her face, more intense than before.

Oh. It _ was _ different.

“The Archbishop’s office has a king-sized bed.” Edelgard offered. “It would allow us plenty of space.”

Byleth shook her head, a brief, horrible sensation in the pit of her stomach. “No. Defintiely not. I wouldn’t be able to sleep.”

“Then that just leaves...”

Byleth was already walking towards Edelgard’s old quarters. She couldn’t stand to prolong the embarrassment of this conversation, so she was taking the initiative. “We’ll fit, somehow.” She called over her shoulder. “I’m quite flexible. There should be a configuration that works.”

She reached the stairs to the upper quarters, and turned back to see Edelgard, still rooted to the spot, hiding her face behind her hands. Byleth stared back at her, waiting.

“Was it something I said?”

Edelgard stormed towards her, one hand still on her face. As she passed, Byleth could hear her muttering fervently under her breath. 

“-NO idea how you can say things like that with a straight face-”

They didn’t exchange many words after that. Byleth went to collect their luggage whilst Edelgard, quote, “set her affairs in order”. Byleth didn’t really care what state her room was in, but apparently Edelgard did, and Byleth intended to be a gracious guest. When she returned carrying their trunks, she knocked on the door and waited patiently to be let in.

“One moment.”

When Edelgard finally let Byleth in, at least several one moments later, Byleth was impressed to see how immaculate the room was. The cleaning staff had always done a good job, especially given what they hard to work with, but Edelgard had even positioned her various affectations perfectly.

Byleth raised her eyebrows. “You were never this much of a perfectionist when it came to your room. What changed?”

Edelgard flushed, her gloved hands nervously picking at her cuffs. “Well, this is the first time I’ve... Invited a paramour into my room. I wanted it to be suitable for the occasion.”

No. Too cute. Absolutely unacceptable.

Before Byleth’s better judgement could catch up to her impulses, she had wrapped Edelgard in her arms. It was the only response she could think of. Edelgard, already in a state of embarrassment, went completely still, so Byleth just held her close. 

“Byleth, what- What are you doing?”

“Acclimatising you. The bed’s not that big. We will be spending the night in close proximity.”

A pause. 

“Also, I wanted to hold you close. I likely will again. So it’s probably best that you get used to the experience.”

Edelgard sighed. Byleth could feel her entire body relax as she did, and felt her arms as they found their way slowly up to her waist. “Oh, if you insist.” She mumbled into Byleth’s shoulder. “There are worse fates, certainly.” 

They stayed like that for a while. “Edelgard,” Byleth asked, eventually, “could we get into bed? 

Edelgard jumped immediately to the other side of the room. Byleth watched her refreshed embarrassment with some mix of affection, humour and exasperation. They took turns changing into their pyjamas - Byleth didn’t really care if Edelgard saw her change, but Edelgard insisted on not looking, and further insisted on Byleth facing the wall when it was her turn.

The beds in the dormitories were generously sized for one person, but they were still designed for one person. Two people could fit side-by-side with relative discomfort, but Byleth was having none of that. As Edelgard fretted over exactly how they would arrange themselves, Byleth threw back the covers, jumped in, grabbed Edelgard’s wrist, and pulled her in after her. Edelgard let out a startled cry, and soon found herself pressed into the junction of Edelgard’s shoulder and torso. Byleth could see she was - once again - beet red, but she looked relaxed.

“See,” Byleth muttered as Edelgard settled into her, “told you we’d fit.”

Edelgard breathed out, content. They were both silent for a while, as they adapted to each other. It was Edelgard who spoke first.

“I can hear your heartbeat, Byleth.”

That was another new experience. Byleth had only had a heartbeat for a few weeks, and she heard it constantly. Felt it constantly. Constantly, acutely aware of being alive. “Do you ever get used to it? I suppose you’ve always had one. Maybe you don’t notice if it’s always been there.”

Edelgard was pulling herself tight against Byleth’s chest. “Not necessarily,” she mumbled. “Sometimes, when it’s beating harder than normal. Like right now. I can feel my heartbeat just as assuredly as I can hear yours.”

Byleth nodded, as much as she could from her position. “I noticed that. It beats faster when I’m around you. Is that because we’re more alive around each other?”

Edelgard laughed softly. Byleth could feel the motions of her muscles against her side and her arm, and she felt blessed. “That’s certainly one way of putting it.” Edelgard’s hand found Byleth’s wrist, and lifted it slightly, her thumb pressing gently into the veins. She shuddered slightly under the touch of Edelgard’s fingertips. “This is a reminder that we’re alive. That _ you’re _ alive. I almost lost you in Fhirdiad, Byleth. This sound, this feeling, it’s the best song ever written. It’s a miracle given form. Treasure your heartbeat, Byleth, because it is the most valuable thing in the world to me.”

Byleth’s free hand snaked around Edelgard’s midriff, pulling her closer in. They relished in the closeness of each other, the heat of their bodies. 

“As is yours, to me, El. And that’s why I’m afraid. I’m afraid of losing it.”

Edelgard lifted herself up onto her shoulder, so she could see Byleth’s face. “Why the sudden fear? Our last mission will likely be our most dangerous, but we’ve always been equal to the task. I have always been afraid of losing you, but I have always trusted you to carry us through.”

“El, it’s...” Byleth sighed. Explaining what had happened in the aftermath of defeating The Immaculate One was difficult. She couldn’t begin to go into the nature of the Divine Pulse. But without it, her talents as tactician were undermined. No more seeing the feature. No more saving lives already lost. “It’s hard to explain. I lost my connection to the Goddess, after the last battle. And I lost certain advantages that came with it. You always said my tactics were like seeing the future. Well, there was a little truth to that. But that’s gone now. And I fear I’ve come to rely on it too much.”

Edelgard’s hand moved from Byleth’s wrist, her fingers entwining with Byleth’s own. “Byleth, I trust you. I need you to know that. Even if you’re not guided by the Goddess herself now, you have all the experience you need, and you know all of us like the back of our hand. Our strengths, our weaknesses. There is nobody I trust to lead us into battle more than you.”

Byleth wished with all her heart that she could live up to those expectations. But she thought back to Fhirdiad, and the Tailtean Plains, and how much she had called upon the Divine Pulse to keep her friends alive. She didn’t feel ready for this.

“El, we’ve only just started this experience together. And there’s a possibility it could end tomorrow. There are things I don’t want to leave unresolved. In case something happens to one of us.”

Edelgard squeezed her hand tight. “Anything, Byleth. Anything.”

Byleth didn’t respond immediately, but instead lifted Edelgard up gently. Edelgard let out a surprised noise, and her hands shot out to balance herself. She was kneeling over Byleth now, and Byleth could see her face clearly, and intended.

“Edelgard,” she began, and reached out her hands. She ran her hands up through the trails of white hair cascading down onto her, and eventually, had hands found the column of Edelgard’s neck, coming to rest gently against it. “I never told you this at the Goddess Tower. It was a mistake to assume it was implicit knowledge, and I need you to know it.”

“Byleth, what are you...?”

“I love you, El.” 

Edelgard blinked. Indeed, it had been pretty implicit at this point. But to say it so directly...

“I love you so much. Too much, maybe. I don’t know. I just need to vocalise it. It doesn’t feel real. Maybe this helps.”

Tears were beginning to coalesce around Edelgard’s eyes, and Byleth felt a wave of guilt rushing up. This hadn’t been her intention. But she was smiling, and that was a dissonance. Was it possible to cry while feeling happy?

Edelgard brought a hand up to cup Byleth’s face. Byleth felt Edelgard’s tears falling against her, and returned the gesture, bringing her hands up from her neck to rest on her cheeks, gently wiping the moisture away with her thumbs.

“I love you too, Byleth. You are so precious to me, more so than anything. You are my home, you are where my heart lives. When I am elsewhere being the Emperor, my heart beats with yours. And when I come back to you, I am home, I am safe, I am Edelgard. I am your El.”

Their faces had become dangerously close, close enough to feel each other’s breath. They both knew how this ended, and neither was a coward. There’d be no sudden flushes or hiding faces in hands this time.

“There was one other thing I wanted to resolve. Before tomorrow.”

“By all means, my love.”

The distance between them evaporated, and their lips met. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally gave these fuckin nerds a break. It was very embarassing to write this. But I love them and I want good things for them. Eventually.
> 
> No prizes for guessing the next chapter's title and what it entails. 
> 
> Please send all complaints, abuse, or even positive feedback to @scunnerfan on twitter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edelgard and Byleth are keen to put an end to the threat Shambhala poses. But there's some housekeeping to take care of first.

Byleth was awoken as the slow crawl of the sunlight through the window began to cast over her face. She stirred as her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. That was the first thing she noticed. The second was that there was a warm, soft weight pressed against the entire right side of her body. As the drowsiness cleared, she could see locks of pure white hair lying against her in the corner of her eye. She could feel the rise and fall of gentle breaths against her. 

Byleth didn’t move a muscle. The beam of sunlight above her illuminated the dance of dust in the air. Her nostrils were filled with the smell of mahogany and closeness. Her remaining senses were devoted to the small movements of the living body of the most important person in the world, of the heat radiating from her, of the softness of her skin through her nightclothes, of the firmness of her muscles in each breath.

Byleth inscribed each and every sensation in this moment to memory. She had understood ‘belonging’ as a concept, but never as a feeling. She imagined it must mean what she felt right now: that she was exactly where she was meant to be, that she felt no inclination to ever move, that she wished this moment would last in perpetuity.

But then, Edelgard stirred too. And that was nice also.

Edelgard rose up on her elbow, rubbing at her eyes with her other hand. The pressure lifted from Byleth’s side, and - oh. Her arm, after a night of Edelgard lying on it, was quite numb. She could feel the nerves starting to spring back to life, as an overwhelming feeling of pins and needles began to spread through it.

Byleth winced, and Edelgard noticed. “Are you well, Byleth?”

Byleth smiled, despite her brow furrowing. “Yes. Just a practical consequence of our positioning. Nothing I wouldn’t gladly suffer again, if it meant waking up like this.” Her smile softened as the pain in her arm faded. “Good morning, El.”

Edelgard returned the smile, gazing down at Byleth with an expression of pure adoration. She leaned down, her free hand brushing the curtain of her hair from her face as she whispered “Good morning.” against Byleth’s lips. They lingered there for a while longer. The novelty of kissing hadn’t worn off just yet, despite their best attempts during the previous night.

The sound of a sudden flurry of activity in the distance woke them from their reverie. Byleth suddenly remembered why they had come back to Garreg Mach, and that this serenity had been a one-off experience, not her new normal, which made it hard to want to move. She supposed she would discuss with Edelgard about sharing a room once they returned to Enbarr. 

Edelgard pulled away from her with a frustrated groan. “This has been wonderful, but now I must pay the price for my indiscretion. Hubert will be looking for me.”

Byleth raised an eyebrow. She had a theory as to what was causing Edelgard’s dismay. “Did you not tell him about our early arrival?”

Edelgard was already throwing herself over the bed, gathering her clothes as she spoke. “I didn’t think he would have permitted it, and I would rather not risk finding out. So yes, I informed him. Via a note. That he probably found the night after we left.” Byleth grinned as Edelgard’s voice dropped to her best attempt of Hubert’s drawl. “Your Majesty, you can’t possibly risk having fun! What if an assassin were to find you unguarded? You can’t possibly kiss your....” She trailed off, suddenly struggling for words. She hummed for a moment. “Byleth, what exactly are we?”

Byleth blinked. “As in, the nature of our relationship?”

“Yes. How would you describe it in a word? ‘Girlfriend’ seems so trivial... Paramour? Far too ostentatious.” She paused, glancing down at the ring she was just now sliding back on her finger. “...Byleth. I’m not asking this to pressure you, but I would like to know where we stand. When you gave me this ring, was it a proposal?”

“A proposal?” Byleth repeated, genuinely mystified.

“A marriage proposal.”

Byleth had been at a loss for words for a few moments already, and that situation wasn’t improving. Marriage? Truth be told, she had never considered the concept. She’d seen plenty of married couples as a mercenary, but she’d never really considered what that really meant. She’d certainly never considered it as something that might ever by relevant to her life.

The truth seemed like the most apt response. “I’m not sure. Dad told me to give the ring to someone I loved as much as he did my mother. So I did. I wasn’t thinking about marriage. I was just thinking I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.” She took a moment to follow that train of thought to its logical conclusion. “Though I suppose marriage is what people do to accomplish that, isn’t it?”

Edelgard’s smile had been growing warmer as Byleth spoke, and she planted a gentle kiss on Byleth’s cheek to silence her. “Let’s not think about it too hard right now. We’ll have plenty time to figure out exactly what we want to be when we return. But for now...” She turned to the door as the clamour outside grew louder. “We have one last fight. And our friends deserve to know why they are here.”

Oh. It wasn’t that Byleth had forgotten about the raid on Shambhala. But she had, in her bliss, forgotten the hardest part of today. Revealing what they had hidden from their closest allies. Byleth had chosen to trust in Edelgard’s judgement, and had kept her silence as promised. Soon she’d find out if it had been a good idea.

But, as the pair of them emerged fully clothed from Edelgard’s room, they had one more obstacle to clear.

“Your Majesty!”

Hubert was already storming down the corridor towards them. Luckily nobody had thought to come with him, and so they would be able to keep this little confrontation relatively private. Edelgard sighed, but it wasn’t her that Hubert looked ready to kill.

He came to a stop before them, breathless from worry. “Your Majesty -” He repeated, “- I must insist you do not repeat any more of these dalliances. I cannot guarantee your safety if you do not keep me abreast of your plans!”

Byleth cut in before Edelgard could respond. “She was with me. That’s about as safe as she could be.”

Hubert shot a furious look at her. They hadn’t really spoken since their last argument, and the ghost of unresolved differences did little to diffuse their animosity. “General Eisner. I am disappointed that you did not refuse to comply with this foolishness. We are beholden to Her Majesty’s wishes, but we also have a responsibility to-”

“I came with her because I  _ wanted  _ to, not because she  _ ordered _ me to-”

“Enough!”

Edelgard’s voice cut through their bickering as sure as her axe could cut through flesh. She looked between them, the look on her face killing any urge they might have to justify themselves. With her shoulders upright and set, and her eyes blazing, she was truly imperious in that moment - not in terms of her literal office, but in that she demanded absolute attention and absolute silence from those around her. She might have been angry at Byleth, but Byleth couldn’t help but fall a little more in love with her.

“I will not have you bickering over me like I’m not even here! I am not some prize for either of you to claim victory over. I will do as I will, Hubert, as is my right. I have won a war, and I wished to spend but one night with my love. I have earned a reprieve. Or would you disagree?” Hubert looked conflicted, but accepted his chastisement with as much grace as he could manage, bowing and uttering a “No, Your Majesty”. Then Edelgard rounded on Byleth, who’s instincts were caught in between bracing herself, and another urge she didn’t understand yet. “And you, Byleth, I do not need you to speak for me. I am quite capable of fending for myself, and while I appreciate your assistance, I will indicate if and when I require it. And both of you. If you have a problem involving me, you will speak to me directly. I will not suffer to be a bystander.”

Byleth’s gut sank as she realised how serious Edelgard was being. And she was right. Byleth was easily as much at fault as Hubert, if not more so. They were both very protective of Edelgard, and they both saw each other as a malign influence. But the way they fought robbed Edelgard of any input. It was disrespectful. Byleth’s face burned with shame as it dawned on her how petty she’d been.

“Sorry, Edelgard. It won’t happen again.”

Edelgard shot them both a final glare, before nodding with satisfaction. “Very well. Leaving this all aside, Hubert, I believe the Strike Force has been gathered?”

Hubert nodded. “They await us in the cathedral. They know they are here to fight, but they remain ignorant of their true target. I simply told them it was of the utmost secrecy.”

Edelgard stepped forward in front of the pair, and turned to them, her nerves steeled and her eyes certain. “The time has come to entrust our closest friends with the truth. I do not intend on forcing anyone to remain. If they truly feel betrayed, our force may be lead by just the three of us.”

Byleth shook her head, closing the distance between them and putting her hand on Edelgard’s shoulder. “I don’t think so. There’s not a coward amongst them. They will likely feel hurt, but none of them will turn away from this fight. I trust in them.”

Edelgard smiled at her, placing her hand on top of Byleth’s. “Thank you.” She said, offering her other hand out to Hubert. “Both of you. You have followed me so far. And whilst I must ask you to follow me much further, I look forward to opening a new chapter with the pair of you at my side. It will be good to build, rather than destroy. I would like to do it together.”

Hubert hesitantly took her hand in his own. For all his loyalty, he looked almost uncomfortable making actual physical contact. Byleth and Hubert shot each other a look. It dawned upon them, in that moment, that for better or worse, they were linked by the woman they had dedicated their lives to. Whatever their feelings, they couldn’t continue the way they had in the past. And so they nodded at Edelgard, and followed her wordlessly through the monastery.

They arrived in the cathedral, the Emperor flanked by her two hands, to find their friends already assembled. A chorus of voices rose to meet them.

“Nice dramatic entrance. Very impressive.” Dorothea teased.

“A very striking image.” Ignatz agreed. “I would like to commit it to canvas, if you would care to recreate it.”

“About time you showed up.” Lysithea grumbled, straight to the point. “Are you going to tell us why you have brought us here?”

Byleth turned to look at Edelgard, and could only see the outline of her cheeks from her position behind her. The voices died down as she waited, dying away with Raphael’s last query as to where the food was.

“My friends, thank you so much for coming. I know you have suffered and toiled, for my cause and for your own. I know you are tired, beyond much more than just your bodies. And I want nothing more than for all of us to rest, to truly celebrate the end of the war. But first, I have one more request for you. And before that...”

Edelgard hesitated for a moment, losing her nerve. Byleth knew she was worried about being rejected after all this time. She had betrayed them once before, when the Flame Emperor still terrorised Garreg Mach. They still followed her after that, but this was perhaps one final, small betrayal. That she had kept the truth about those who slither in the dark from them.

Byleth could still remember the looks of relief on each and every one of their faces in the aftermath of the Burning of Fhirdiad. An unwinding of tension that had no equal. They had thought their war was over, and that they could return to their families, their lives.. She could see that certainty, that security slipping away from them as Edelgard spoke. It wasn’t fair to bring them all here to fight one last time, when they had already been promised their reprieve. 

Byleth wouldn’t begrudge anyone who took umbrage, and she doubted Edelgard would either. But this was the path they had taken, and they needed to see it through, consequences and all. She stepped forward, and took Edelgard’s hand in her own, nodding to her to show her support. 

Edelgard took a deep breath. 

“My friends, please forgive me. I have a secret I must share with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonnae send these losers off to Shambhala this chapter but things got away from me. OOPS
> 
> this feels like a paltry offering next to some of the fuckin dyno Edeleth fics coming out atm but i hope you'll enjoy it all the same. as an appetiser, if you will. or an after-dinner mint. what the fuck am i talking about
> 
> as always, send all wellwishes and harrassment to @scunnerfan on twitter


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Black Eagles descend upon the stronghold of Those Who Slither in the Dark. Byleth isn't sure what awaits them, and is even less sure that she can handle it.

“That could have resolved better.”

Edelgard rode at the front of the small column of troops, lead by the Strike Force. Byleth and Hubert rode at her flanks, and the rest of the Strike Force rode behind. Tension filled the air between them.

“It was still a good result, all things considered.” Byleth answered, keeping her voice quiet. “Everyone’s still here.”

Edelgard nodded, but her head hung uncharacteristically low. “Yes. But out of duty, I suspect.”

There had been a lot of hurt faces in the cathedral, and a varying degree of understanding. Everyone had agreed that in light of this new information, they faced a threat they could not ignore. Not everyone appreciated having this knowledge kept from them for so long. Some had accepted it as a necessity of war and controlling information. For some others, it had been a reminder of the distance between them and Edelgard. And for others still, it had been a betrayal. They had all gone to Fhirdiad believing the Church was truly monstrous, a belief that the levelling of Arianhrod had played a big part of. Nobody would regret their decision once they saw Fhirdiad burn. But it was still a manipulation.

One person who seemed entirely unfazed by the revelation was Lysithea. In truth, she had already figured it out. And any trust issues that might have arisen were very much secondary to her personal vendetta against Thales and his ilk. Byleth glanced over at her. Her eyes burned in a way that reminded Byleth strongly of Edelgard. The two had a lot in common, after all.

As they rode, Byleth wondered how many of the people she considered friends she would never see again, once this was done. Some would leave. Others... 

Byleth struggled to think of what to say. Edelgard was hurting - perhaps deservedly. And Byleth wanted to comfort her, to assure her that there was nothing to fear. But she was still preoccupied with fears of her own inadequacy. She had been playing favourites with her friends’ lives for the entire war, but without Sothis’ gift, she couldn’t ignore the possibility that they might not all survive today.

Hubert found the words that Byleth couldn’t. “Everyone here serves one purpose, Lady Edelgard. Whatever happens after will happen. But this is our last battle, and we must remain focused on our task. Reparations can come once Lord Arundel slithers no more.”

Edelgard started into the distance. Byleth knew as well as Edelgard did that Hubert was, as he often was, irritatingly correct. There were more pressing matters to concern themselves with.

The rest of the journey passed in silence, until Hubert called the convoy to a halt. They had been following a subtle trail left by his spies, and the most recent marker they had reached indicated that they were close. They had already left their mounts behind as the terrain had become too mountainous for them to proceed any further, and the climb had been arduous. And now their path took them back down, deep into the earth. The cave opening had been concealed, not by rocks or shrubs, by a facsimile of a wall, just as Hubert’s spies had reported. It flickered to the touch, the seemingly solid rock giving way to a curiously structured, geometric magic.

Byleth had Hubert and Lysithea, their most accomplished dark mages, scanning for wards and traps. The other mages helped, but Byleth suspected that anything to be found here would be of a more ancient school of magic, and what they knew as dark magic seemed far more in line with what she had seen of Solon’s abilities.

They advanced through the cave system as it opened up into wider and wider spaces. Byleth was no geologist, but she knew terrain, and she couldn’t help but feel that the ground was a little too easy on their feet, as if it had been engineered. Made safe and traversable, whilst still appearing natural to the untrained eye. The immaterial cave wall had certainly been proof enough, but every step Byleth took only reaffirmed her certainty that this was all unnatural. And unnatural was what Those Who Slither in the Dark did best.

“My Lady. Byleth.” Hubert whispered from just in front of them. “Look.”

They joined him at the peak of an outcrop, and followed his eyes into the valley below them. The path they were following lead into an impossibly large clearing, one that looked like it should have been impossible without caving the mountains above in on them. And contained within it was some kind of fortress, certainly. But the architecture was so different, to the point of being alien, to anything Byleth had seen before. This was no mere stone and timber structure. Everything was... Straight. The surfaces were flat, and gleamed as though they had been constructed with metal. The edges were perfect lines in a way that no mortal mason could replicate. Lines of teal ran through surfaces, illuminating them in a bright glow. It was magic, Byleth realised. Pure magic, built into the structures in a way so precise she couldn’t even begin to fathom their construction. It ran like leylines, lighting pathways, feeding into mechanisms that Byleth could only guess at the purpose of.

“This place is a treasure in of itself.” Hubert muttered. “If the knowledge that constructed it resides within, then...”

“All in due time, Hubert.” Edelgard reminded him. “First we must rid this place of the taint that runs through it.”

Hubert nodded, and made to follow the path further, but froze in his footsteps. He frowned, gazing around as if he had seen something in the corner of his eye.

“Hubert? What it is?”

“...They know we’re here. I’m sorry, my Emperor. I had been looking for signs of dark magic, but this ward... It was akin to the magic in the fake wall. I almost didn’t notice it. But it’s sent a signal.”

Sure enough, signs of activity started to erupt from the fortress below them. An alarm rang out; not a bell of any kind, but some kind of dirge, metallic and pulsing. Byleth could already see more of the dolls Cordelia had wielded against them mobilising. She took in the scene, her eyes scanning over every feature of the city she could define. It may have looked alien, but it was still a fortress. She could recognise the general concept.

“Right.” She interjected, turning back to the officers arrayed behind her. Her voice was raised, slipping into her General routine for the last time. She always felt different in these moments; composed, competent, respected. Like she was channeling Edelgard. “Relay these orders to your battalions. Looks like there’s multiple roads into the city, and the inner areas are locked behind some kind of gate mechanism. You’ll split into two groups as you were assigned. Proceed with extreme caution, and keep your eyes peeled for anything that even looks like it _ might _ be a key. Under no circumstances are you to ever fight without backup. We have no idea what to expect here, but nobody is going to face it alone.”

She gazed over the Black Eagles, assembled before her and awaiting her orders for one last time. And she couldn’t help the rush of emotion that came over her, ever so untimely. Fondness, love, gratitude, fear. There was no way to accurately convey it, and she didn't have the time.

“Thank you for being here. Please come back alive. You may begin.”

* * *

  


The fighting was grueling, nervewracking, and painfully slow.

Their enemies had unknowable years of experience, and were untouched by the war that had raged on the surface. Byleth’s division advanced slowly, and with utmost caution, as per her orders. They didn’t engage unless they had an advantage. And Byleth was finding every advantage she could. Her nerves were fraying, her heart catching in her throat every time a new foe appeared. She had to protect them. There were no do-overs this time.

Byleth found it alarming that there were enough of their pallid-fleshed foes to rival their own numbers. She had assumed from their previous experiences that they were few in number, and while she had expected to find more in their own home, she shuddered to think that they had been lying in wait down here all this time.

Slowly but surely, they were making progress. They had identified the keys they needed - strange, flat slates that slid into recesses at each doorway. And they had refined taking down the titans into a solved methodology; everyone knew their places, stripped the dolls apart in short order as a single entity.

They were doing this. They _ could _ do this.

Byleth’s division flooded into the courtyard from the west just as Edelgard’s approached from the east. Byleth scanned their ranks; all her familiar faces were accounted for, and she felt a tension she had been nursing this entire time unwind. She had been doing her best not to think about the lives she had no control over, but Edelgard had led them well.

There was guilt, too. On both flanks, they found their battalions depleted. Certainly, all of Byleth’s friends were well. But to feel relief, when so many had died, felt...

And more would certainly die. Two arcane pillars that flanked the main structure flared to life, firing dark lances of energy that arced into their ranks before anyone could respond. Byleth yelled the order to scatter. The courtyard was sparsely defended, and as Byleth and Edelgard met in the middle, their enemies quickly folded between them. 

“Thales hides behind that door, in his sanctum.” Edelgard called out. “We have the key. Let us end this!”

Byleth nodded, ordering her forces to advance one last time. All they had to do was cross the courtyard-

The pillars pulsed once again, dark energy shooting forth. Byleth followed the arc of the nearest one to its logical conclusion, with horror.

“_ Hubert!” _

There were no do-overs.

Byleth threw her entire weight into Hubert just before the lance collided with him, knocking him out of its trajectory, and bringing her sword up in hopes of deflecting the energy. Byleth didn’t know if any of the Goddess’ powers remained in the blade, but she hoped, prayed-

The beam hit the sword and refracted, shooting off in an array around the Sword of the Creator. Byleth felt it burn into her - one on her arm, one on her opposite shoulder, two or three along her legs - and judging from the grunt of pain from Hubert beside her, he’d taken a hit or two himself. Byleth dropped to one knee, the pain stabbing into her limbs.

But she was whole. So was Hubert. Too close. That was too _ close- _

She heard the roar of fire magics, as Dorothea and Annette reduced the pillars to rubble a moment later. Edelgard stopped her advance, diverting towards the wounded pair with worry written across her face.

“Hubert! Byleth!” She came to kneel beside them both, clearly unsure with how to divide her attention. “Are you okay?”

Hubert groaned as he pulled himself to his knees, one hand clinging at where the beam had grazed his side. “I am fine, your Majesty, and so is the Professor. Please, you must-”

Byleth could see the door to the sanctum begin to slowly slide open, frictionless. Lysithea was at the front of the remaining troops, rallying them around her with the kind of booming charisma Byleth would never have attributed to her. Edelgard was still fussing over the two of them, clearly reluctant to leave their side.

“El.” she said, placing her hand on the Emperor’s shoulder, “We’re fine. You need to be with them. They still need your help. We'll survive, I need you to make sure _they _do too.”

Edelgard hesitated for only a moment, before her face shifted with determination. She placed a swift kiss on Byleth’s cheek, before rising and charging back towards the fray just as the Black Eagles began to fight their way through the gates. Hubert and Byleth watched her go, a mixed sense of admiration for Edelgard, and disappointment that they had missed the climax, shared between them.

Byleth turned to Hubert, healing magics blooming into her hands as she placed them on his wounds. He winced at the contact, his eyes focused very much on the gate and very much _ not _ on Byleth. It felt weird, to be out here, having an awkward moment with one of her least favourite acquiantances, while the grand finale to all their battles was taking part a short distance away. It wasn't how she had pictured the moment, certainly. But plans were fickle, and she had her own duties to attend to.

“...Thank you.” Hubert eventually said, so quiet she could barely hear it, breaking a silence that Byleth had taken for granted.

She had never dealt with gratification from Hubert on their own. He’d certainly played the part when they were in company, but there was no-one left to overhear.

“It’s alright.” Byleth responded, guessing at a response. “We’re allies. We look out for each other.”

It was adequate, barely. But Hubert looked like he had something else he wanted to say, and he was wrestling with it. Byleth decided to give him a push.

“I couldn’t have let you die if there was something I could do about it. You’re very important to Edelgard. How could have I faced her if I’d let you die?”

“You threw yourself in front of mortal danger to save me. That is going far beyond your duty to Edelgard. I...” He trailed off, his gaze falling onto the smooth metal beneath him. “Perhaps my judgement of you has been unfair in the past. You have never once failed Her Majesty. I regret my conduct.”

Byleth smiled slightly as she turned her attention to her own wounds. “You’re not just saying that because I saved your life, are you?” Hubert shot her an unamused glare, and she sighed, remembering that his sense of humour was limited. “Hubert, maybe we don’t get on, but one thing is true. For five years, you were there for Edelgard when I wasn’t. Maybe she wouldn’t be here with us if it hadn’t been for you. You’ve done far more for her than I have managed. I have to respect that, and I have to respect you. I’m sorry for the way I treated you, too.”

Any response Hubert might have had was drowned out by a tremendous roar of victory cheers from inside the sanctum. Byleth could only imagine what had transpired, but surely it meant one thing: Thales was dead.

“That was fast.” Byleth commented. It seemed like an understated moment, like the reality hadn't hit her yet

Hubert nodded, dragging himself to his feet with some difficulty. He still clutched at his wounded side, but offered his other hand to Byleth. She took it, trying not to think about how strange the gesture was, and pulled herself to her feet. She found herself surprisingly weak, and her muscles ached under the effort.

This was it, right? They'd done, well, everything. As far as fighting was concerned. They had a lifetime of work ahead of them, but maybe, just maybe, Byleth would not need to raise a sword ever again.

“That cry of victory marks the beginning of a new era. Come, Byleth. She’ll need both of us at her side.”

_Both_ of us? Well, Byleth supposed she could live with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well we're back on the road with this nonsense. think i might have lost the pacing somewhat after taking a break, but who knows? you do, in all likelihood. 
> 
> thanks for reading. follow me on @scunnerfan, if you're so inclined


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shambhala was Byleth's last fight. Now that the world no longer needs her sword, she finds herself excited to see what else she could be.

“My heartbeat. You’ve only just returned from Shambhala. I know I am making a hypocrite of myself, but you really must let yourself rest.”

Byleth blinked, looking up from a desk that was more paper than wood. A myriad of documents were spread in front of her, from petitions to reports to magical formulae and calculations. The first two, Edelgard could perhaps understand. The latter was alien to her. She’d had rudimentary reason training in Garreg Mach. The diagrams made those old tomes look like a child’s picture book.

This wasn’t Byleth’s first return from Shambhala. The underground fortress had fallen over two moons ago. But Byleth had found a new purpose, and she had dived headlong into it. Edelgard had expected to be too busy to see much of Byleth. She hadn’t expected Byleth to be too busy to see her.

Byleth managed a smile against the weight of her tiredness. “I appreciate that. But you know we don’t have much time. I need to make sure Lysithea and Lindhart have every resource she needs, when she needs it.” Her smile slides into a grin, as she does her best overwrought impression of Edelgard’s dramatic flair. “The future of Fódlan may rest upon their work.”

“I know, Byleth. And they will. But you will be no use to them if you don’t take care of yourself.”

The fall of Shambhala certainly hadn’t concluded the war against the remnants of Agartha, but it had changed the dynamic. What had once been a network of operatives throughout Fódlan had overnight found their connections severed. With no leadership and no base, the scattered remnants of Those Who Slither in the Dark found their disguises of little use as Hubert scoured the country for traces of their unique magic.

The other, far more unexpected, upshot of depriving the Agarthans of their base had been the base itself. It was a marvel, and without the threat of Thales’ thralls in its corridors, it was an open treasure chest to explore. Some of what they discovered was horrifying, of course. Laboratories where countless atrocities had been committed. Textbooks detailing knowledge that should never have been discovered. Edelgard had only heard rough details. She didn’t want to know more.

But Shambhala was more than just a fortress. It was a home, a self-sustaining, comprehensive infrastructure that had allowed the Agarthans to survive for thousands of years without the light of day. And so much of that was mundane in nature, but extraordinary in execution. The more inquisitive minds of the Black Eagles had practically moved in since it had been secured. Millenia of knowledge on the most basic of necessities had been accumulated there, while the Church had kept the land above in stasis.

Another surprise had been Byleth herself. With no war to win, and no more will to fight, she had turned her brilliant mind to other endeavours. She had been in a constant state of excitement - she seemed thrilled to be able to _choose_ what she wanted to do. She had spent a week or so asking seemingly random questions to almost every member of Edelgard’s interim government, drilling them about the most mundane aspects of their jobs.

And then, only a fortnight since they had arrived back in Enbarr, she had slammed the doors open to the council chamber mid-session. The scene still remained clear in Edelgard’s memory.  
  


* * *

  
“Shambhala. It’s the solution.” Byleth had declared to the room as she had marched towards the council table, heedless that she was clearly interrupting a very important conversation. Edelgard had sighed, Hubert had glared, Ferdinand had balked.

There was silence, for a while. Until Edelgard found her voice. “The solution to... What?”

Byleth cast a huge scroll across the length of the table. It had been almost impossible to read, a twisting spider diagram connecting maps, figures, some basic runes and sigils, and lines of small, hurried handwriting. Her three friends and the handful of ministers Byleth hadn’t learned the names of all looked around at each other, mystified. So she gestured to the scroll, talking as she indicated different sections.

“I know you’ve been making all these plans, and I know I’m not renowned for my administrative skills. But I was fishing, and I thought, I wonder if fishing could be useful to the new Fódlan. Which was a ridiculous thought. But it got me thinking. Everyone’s a lot hungrier now than they were when I went into stasis. So I figured I’d ask about it.”

“Is this going somewhere soon, General Eisner?” Hubert asked, but in a tone that suggested he was less angry and more pressing her to the point. “We _are_ busy with other matters.”

“Okay. I’ll skip the anecdote. You know the country’s food infrastructure is crippled. Granaries are dry and much of the farmland is razed. Even with the war over, the winter is going to bring a famine much worse than during the stalemate. Thousands will die. And any reformations will take years to pass while the commoners all blame you for it.”

Edelgard sighed. Byleth was not telling her anything she did not already know - the food shortage was but one of many crises the war had left to her - but the bluntness of her statement still hit hard. “I know, my lo- Byleth. I know. And you know we’re relieving every noble household of their excess stock to balance rations across the class line. But that is the reality, and I don’t understand how Thales’ base is relevant-”

“They had to _eat_, El. They were immortal but they had to eat. And they did, Linhardt found these... Like the greenhouse, back in Garreg Mach, but it had its own sun. More than that, the soil - it was pristine. And the plants are still growing much faster than they should. The entire thing had magic running through it like threads. They fed the entire place with a single farm only slightly bigger than this room we’re in, and without a drop of sunlight, rain or topsoil.”

Ferdinand was certainly engaged. “That’s miraculous. For all their cruelty, there’s no denying their genius. Imagine what we could do with those minds.”

“We _have_ those minds. You’ve seen how brilliant they are - Lysithea, Linhardt, Annie. Hanneman, if we can drag him away from crests.” Byleth’s face had turned serious, and she straightened her posture, suddenly remembering formality.

“Your highness, this famine is going to undo any goodwill we might have built since the war ended and cripple the whole country. But the Agarthans left us more than just food. Medicine, construction - the more of their legacy we can decipher before this winter, the more lives we can save.”

Edelgard managed a small smile. Byleth had delivered miracle after miracle, even after the Goddess had left her. Maybe she could let herself believe in another one. “I would expect Linhardt or Lysithea to be the one telling me this. I’ve never seen _you_ this animated, Byleth. I’m happy to give them whatever resources we can manage, but I have to ask. This terrible handwriting is clearly yours. Is this of interest to you personally?”

Byleth blinked, the question catching her off-guard. She had been so focussed on the proposal that she hadn’t really noticed the change in her behaviour.

After a long moment - meaningful to Byleth and Edelgard, awkward to everyone else in the room - she found her words. “This is what I want to do. I want to make sure this happens. I... I’ve killed a lot of people. I think I can do this. I think I can save lives for a change.”

In spite of the enormity of the task in front of them, Edelgard couldn’t stop her polite smile spreading into a graceless grin. “Of course. We’ll talk about the details after the meeting,” she gave a meaningful glance to the rest of the assembled council “but with the brightest minds in the country at our disposal, I have every faith you will succeed.

Byleth mirrored her grin, unrestrained and genuine. Looking at how this stoic, expressionless woman had turned into the wonderful font of emotion before her, it was hard for Edelgard to not believe that the future could yet be as bright as that smile.  
  


* * *

  
“I’m fine, honestly.”

Edelgard frowned, recognising the same kind of deflection she frequently employed when her wellbeing got in the way of her work. “Manuela hasn’t given you a complete bill of health, you know. You know how she was when she found out we’d been fighting so soon after your heart started beating. She wants you to take it easy, which means I want you to take it easy.”

“The same way you and Lysithea are taking it easy?” Byleth’s irritation shone through but for a moment, before she instantly regretted it. She had some kind of perspective now, after all, of working within a time limit. At least her own deadline wasn’t dictated by her mortality. Edelgard might have theoretically had more time than Lysithea, but-

Edelgard sighed, and sat down in the seat next to Byleth, carefully removing her gloves and folding them before placing them on the table. She gently lifted Byleth’s hands away from her work and held them between them, the warmth radiating between both women.

“We find a balance, somehow. You haven’t found the time to do so, yet. We have faith... We _know_ that our own lives will not be as short as we feared. Hanneman is making great strides in reverse engineering the Agarthans’ blood reconstruction - which you should well know, given that he’s doing it under your auspices!”

Edelgard’s frown subsided, and she leaned forward, bringing Byleth’s hands to her mouth and placing feather-light kisses on each of her knuckles in turn. “We all can find time to rest now, because we know we can rely on others in our absence. All our friends - they prove to us many times over that they are more than capable of shouldering our burdens too. I’d like to think that, of all the things to come of this miserable conflict, we know for certain now that we need never be alone again.”

Byleth wasn’t equipped to deal with that wholesome sentiment. Her newborn heart resonated with feelings she could barely define, let alone contain. Words failed her, as they so often did these days, and instead she flung herself at Edelgard, catching her smaller fianceé by surprise and nearly barrelling them both over the back of her seat. Her arms cast wildly around Edelgard’s torso, hands gripping tightly, and she basked in the sheer reality of it all.

“...I suppose I can always ask Fleche for help. She’s, well. Eager. Maybe I should stop sending her away.”

“You mean to tell me that Fleche has been _offering_ you help that you have been refusing?” Edelgard’s tone was somewhere between amused and dangerous.

“Well, I mean, she looks up to us so much, I didn’t want to take advantage of-”

Edelgard sighed once again, gently removing herself from Byleth’s embrace. “You are _hopeless_, my love. First thing tomorrow morning, you will find Fleche and you will _beseech_ her for assistance.”

Byleth relented. Edelgard had enough to worry about without her unwillingness to delegate adding to the list. And she could understand Fleche’s desire to be useful. It was the same feeling that had consumed her, after all.

“As you wish, El.”

“Good. Now accompany me to our chambers. I won’t believe you’re following me unless I have your hand in my own.”

“That’s a very stern excuse to want to hold my hand, El. You were fine doing it just a moment ago.”

“That was- Well...”

Byleth chuckled, wrapped her fingers firmly around Edelgard’s, and led them towards their bedroom.  
  


* * *

  
It was shortly later, as they lay in bed but before they had drifted off, that Edelgard said something to Byleth that got her thinking.

"I hadn’t expected to be the one telling _you_ not to overwork yourself. It is apparently one of my own defining character traits. Dorothea used to check on Hubert and I, to make sure we had gone to sleep.”

Byleth chuckled. Dorothea may have been an orphan, but it certainly hadn’t stopped her from developing her own maternal instincts. “Did it work?”

“Goddess no. I just took my paperwork to bed and hid it under the blanket when she came in.”

“But the light-”

“I used some rudimentary Reason to make a small flame that I could snap out at will. The irony is that Dorothea herself taught me how to do it, back in our Academy days.” Edelgard couldn’t help the grin that was spreading over her face. “When I finally told her what I was doing, do you know what she said?”

“What?”

Edelgard was already struggling to contain her muffled laughter by the time she managed to force out the words. “She said, ‘well, that’s the last time I attempt to be _Reason_able with you!;”

Edelgard had already devolved into giggles by the time she finished, and Byleth failed to suppress her own undignified snorts at the absolutely dreadful pun. This wasn’t an _entirely_ new sensation - Byleth had always been a master of the deadpan prank - but the urge to laugh was new. As it turned out, she had a very guttural laugh, which only fanned the flames of Edelgard’s own.

It took a good minute for them to finally calm themselves.

Eventually, Byleth spoke up. “It’s... It feels good. So I think I just chase that feeling. It’s so different from being a mercenary. A bit like being a professor was, but even that had to do with warfare. But what I’m doing now, there’s no violence. No killing. There’s never been a point where fighting wasn’t part of my life. Even before I fought alongside my dad, it was his mercenary work that put food on our table. So to be able to work towards something that doesn’t end in violence, it’s... nice.”

She traced idle patterns down Edelgard’s scarred arms, lost in her own thoughts. Edelgard had grown comfortable enough to let Byleth familiarise herself with the worst of her marring, and Byleth found the tactile contrast between expanses of smooth skin broken by scar tissue oddly soothing.

“I’m not ashamed of what we did. We changed the world, and I believe it will be better. But I’ve had quite enough of tearing things down. It’s nice to be able to build something good, instead.”

Edelgard was silent for a while, watching Byleth’s expression intently. “Do you think...” she began, pausing to find the right words. “Do you wish we could have changed the world, without violence? Could we have... do you think that if we had been creating instead of destroying from the start, that we could have reached this point without all the death? Would you have chosen differently?”

Byleth matched Edelgard’s gaze, as unflinching as ever. She didn’t respond immediately. Such a question demanded she pick the right words carefully. She knew what she wanted to say, but she had to communicate it.

“Would _you_ have chosen differently, El?”

Edelgard was stunned by the question. “O-of course I would have! I never wanted any of this, I will carry this guilt to the-”

“Why didn’t you choose, then?”

Byleth’s tone lacked the accusation that such a question would imply, but that didn’t stop Edelgard’s doubt letting panic seep in. “I... you know why, Byleth, it wasn’t that simple, everything Thales and the Dukes did to me, I-”

Byleth placed a kiss, gently, to her forehead, and Edelgard couldn’t help but fall silent.

“The Church has ruled over Fódlan for centuries, right? The way the world was... It was the way it was supposed to be, by the Church’s design. We had our roles, our places. The nobility will take what they can and the commoners will suffer what they must. Your Crest of Seiros, it was meant to mark you as an extension of the Goddess. My Crest of Flames, it was meant to make me the Goddess herself. We didn’t get a choice.

“And that’s the point, I think. The whole thing was built to take that choice away from you. The Agarthans, too, they didn’t let you choose. They took you, they hurt you, and then they made sure you needed them. And when I think of all of our friends, and all of our enemies... Everything was passed down to you. The burdens and the mistakes of the generation before you, placed upon your shoulders. You never got to say no.

“Of course I would have wanted to change the world without bloodshed. But nobody wanted to let us change it. And they had swords and spells and courts and inquisitions to make sure we didn’t. So, I think... Are we going to be judged for fighting back? I don’t know. But I think that Rhea had set up everything so that the only way to stop the cycle was to become a villain. So if that makes us villains... that’s okay, for me. Even if history remembers us as tyrants, as long as we can make a world where people never have to make the choice we did, that’s okay.”

Edelgard searched Byleth’s deep, wide blue eyes all the while, knowing that even in the dim light she would find the same thing she always did - earnest, blunt honesty. Byleth wasn’t capable of platitudes. She always spoke from her heart, and its newfound vitality was matched in her words.

"That day, in the crypt. You chose more than just me, didn’t you?”

“I chose to choose. I chose to believe in the possibility that there’s more than what I’d been left with. That if I made mistakes, that at least they’d be my own, and not Rhea’s. And that one day maybe all of my students would be able to do the same. And now... Maybe the whole country. Maybe the world. We were denied this autonomy for so long. Who knows what we can do with it now that it’s been returned to us?”

Edelgard felt the energy radiating from Byleth, the hope, the enthusiasm.. She would likely never forgive herself what she had done. The weight of what she had done, what she had caused to unfold, didn’t allow for moral complacency. But with her fianceé lying next to her, filled with so much determination and optimism, she couldn’t help but feel herself lulled to rest. Perhaps it was rude that Byleth’s monologue was putting her to sleep, but she thought it in the nicest way possible.

“Byleth... Thank you, my heartbeat. I love you.”

Byleth tucked Edelgard’s head under her neck. She wanted Edelgard to hear that rhythm, beating for her. Beating for everyone she could still help. Beating for Byleth. The task ahead of them was unfathomable in its enormity, but as she drifted off to sleep, she couldn’t help but feel like she was up to the challenge. It was what she had chosen, after all.

“As I you, starshine. Good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!
> 
> So it's been a wee while since I updated this. There's been reasons for this - uni work, emotional state, videogames, etc. But what really got me was just... Losing my affection for what I'd already written. Most of these chapters were written concurrently with my playthrough of Crimson Flower, and were essentially a reaction to them - as the fic reached its end and I had time to go back analyse the story more, I realised that my characterisations at the time weren't really in line with how I felt about them now. Not getting Hubert and Byleth's A support in particular coloured my perception of their relationship quite heavily.
> 
> But honestly, I wanted to write this last chapter, partly so that it would be a finished product, but also because I wanted to articulate what I thought the theme of CF was - autonomy, particularly Byleth's. There's a lot of moral nuance in all of the routes, and they all relate in some way to the burdens, failures and abuses passed onto the cast by the generations before them. I have a particular fondness for CF as a route because it depicts a struggle against inevitability and repititon. At least, that's like, my opinion, dude.
> 
> Anyhoo. I'm writing again! I have a few ideas brewing at the moment. I have a concept for a fic that follows some of the non-Black Eagles students who turn against the Church in CF, and their motivations for doing so. But a lot's already been said about Three Houses, and I'm not sure I have anything new to add to the chorus. We'll see.
> 
> Anyway. Thank you very much if you've elected to read this to its very delayed conclusion. The trickle of kudos I get in my email inbox reminds me that people do enjoy this stuff, and it's worth doing. It's still nuts to me that more than 400 people took the time to read this and liked it. I appreciate every kudos and every comment. It's fuckin wild.
> 
> Tapadh leibh agus oidche mhath!


End file.
